Reluctant Foodie Gifts

"I want proof that I even need that much iron before I go eating all that spinach."

'I burned my fingers by touching the hot breakfast eggs, but next time, I'll peel them before I put them into boiling water!'

Mall Directory: You are here, but your mind is somewhere else.

Fast Food Dieter

Cuckoo has got halfway through it's call and then had an arrow shot at it.

'The Ailing Matisse tries cutting out meat and dairy products.'

"He's a fussy eater."

"I'm taking you off two of the four food groups."

'Do you have a traditional Christmas dinner, but for a lacto-vegan fruitarian?'

War on drugs... war on terror... war on lima beans.

'No, officer, I'm not a homeless beggar. I'm just waiting on my wife while she's shopping.'

'I don't want to go school shopping! Can't you just buy stuff for me?. . .Just get me more of this in the next size up!'

"I was the first one to work completely gluten free."

'I just need enough to send my Dad to cookery lessons!'

"Back inside, Bernie! The buffet is full of shrimp, pork and ham!"

"I quit worrying. I've gone 100% non-non and completely free-free."

"Chicken 'Laissez-faire'?"

I feel like I'm starting to hate everyone, doc. Dr. Noodle. I hate the stranger who shook his head in disgust at me when he saw I was in an interracial relationship. I hate the lady who cut me off in traffic and almost ran me off the road this morning. I hate the dentist who convinced me I needed a $350 mouth guard when I could've bought one just as good for $25 at Target. I hate the girl scout who sold me six disgusting boxes of ten-year-old Samoa cookies. That's ... ten? I hate myself for not

'You heard! There's no way I'm cooking for you!'

"You asked me to keep a food diary, this is last week's!"

'That's typical of him, to ruin our first decent night out in ages.'

'Today was a bit of a disaster.' - 'First I cut my finger and bled everywhere, then I lost my plaster while I was cooking.' - 'Do you want the last bowl of pumpkin soup?' - 'No, it's okay. You go for it.'

"My new health plan only allows in network complaining."

'Oh I can't stay here, i'm allergic to shell fish.'

Why men hate shopping.

'My wife has me on a very strict diet so I need a safe place to store my binge foods.'

'Now that I can afford anything on the menu, I can't digest anything on the menu.'

After standing on the scales Claire decided to stamp on the diet book.

"I'm putting you on a skipping diet. . .Skip cakes and wine."

An Expert's Guide to What's Good and What's Bad to Eat and Drink.

"Oh man. Tia Carmen's making that soup with all those weird vegetables."

Recipes From The "I Really, REALLY Hate To Cook" Cookbook

'I love broccoli, but not enough to eat it.'

'It's the only way I can get him to help me with the shopping.'

"I'm spending too much money on food. But what can I do? The kids won't eat anything else."