Food Guide Fan Gifts

The Cud Food Guide

"The menu just says fried fish, but may I give you a more compelling, surprisingly lyrical description?"

"It's how he would have wanted to go."

"I can't give you a prescription for milk and cookies."

Before/After

"From right to left, you have your tekkamaki, your futomaki, and then your yamaimo roll. The little pile of pink stuff is ginger, the green one's wasabi. And, of course, you already recognize your vodka martini."

"I've combined a laxative and alphabet soup. I call it 'Letter Rip!'"

"I'll have the spaghetti, does that come on toast?"

'When the doctor told you to warm up before exercising, I don't think he meant with hot chocolate and hot cross buns.'

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'It's supposed to look and smell greasy.'

Tuna Salad, Meat Loaf, Cheese Omelet and Bean Soup

"Is the garbage fresh?"

"You know, it really wasn’t that bad."

"Everybody's doing quinoa—at least Kamut still has a nice grainier-than-thou quality."

'It's amazing what they can do with amino acids these days.'

Bedside Manna.

'I wasn't going to eat him, but then he tripped right in front of me.'

"Welcome to the Bermudez family Christmas party!"

"What are we doing for Cinco de Mayo this year?"

'Are we ready to order?'

'If I had to kill to survive I'd become a vegetarian.'

"Dad, that's horrible! I'm not trying to roast them: I'm studying them for a school project. . ."

'Pardon me, M'sieur -- Did you order 'grilled cheese' or 'chilled grease'?'

"There's our cure for the munchies! Gluten, we love your pizza!!" "You're our hero, gluten."

'Couldn't Jack Spratt eat polyunsaturated fat?'

Ahh, Chicken Soup

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'I think the microwave has finally given up the ghost.'

"Skunk! How is it?"

"The wrangler within wants pancakes."

'Do you happen to have a scratch-and-sniff menu?'

'What's your favourite meal?' 'Seconds.'

Party Animal, Party Vegetable, Party Mineral