Food Tasting Fan Gifts

'I'm removing you from the research department, Jones!'

Counting ribs

"The menu just says fried fish, but may I give you a more compelling, surprisingly lyrical description?"

'Why, of course I remember our first date -- I had filet mignon, potatoes au gratin, sauteed....'

Before/After

"I forgot to take a pic of the tacos."

"I'll have the spaghetti, does that come on toast?"

"I've combined a laxative and alphabet soup. I call it 'Letter Rip!'"

CAUTION: Creative genius at work

"Now, in contrast to the last olive oil you tasted, this one is infused with sixty-five more dollars."

OFA. Onion Farmer of the Year. I told myself I wasn't going to cry ….

"Nice try, Mom, but I'm going to go with a caterer."

Auto parts, Lite Puff Pastries, & Health Insurance Exchange.

"Well, I'm the company sports champion! During the lunch break I ate more hamburgers than any other colleague!"

"Is the garbage fresh?"

A convenient attack of swine flu...

"Well, there's your problem right there -- you need to sauté the onions in white wine before adding the ginger."

"Everybody's doing quinoa—at least Kamut still has a nice grainier-than-thou quality."

Vegetables VS Junk Food.

'Real hungry? Should be, 'Really hungry.' Adjectives take adverbs.'

'Okay, you've got a mouthful of minerals, grapefruit, herbs and grass. Is it starting to taste like a sauvignon blanc?'

Bedside Manna.

"What are we doing for Cinco de Mayo this year?"

"Welcome to the Bermudez family Christmas party!"

'Coffee and Converstion' vs. 'Beer & Bullshit'

"I have a strong personal commitment to dinner."

Cook spills food and has to open a can (tin).

'Three, two, one. Stand clear.'

The Cud Food Guide

"It's all down to turmeric!"

'This is quite common. You've eaten so many sausages that you've turned into one.'

"That banquet was most delicious, and yet now, somehow, once again I feel the pang of hunger.'

Cutlery store: Big Sale! Everything slashed!

'92 elements in the Universe and you always have to chuck the compound NaCl all over your dinner!'

"No, thank you. I'd prefer seeing a menu from the restaurant across the street."