Food Tasting Fan Pillows

'I'm removing you from the research department, Jones!'

Counting ribs

"The menu just says fried fish, but may I give you a more compelling, surprisingly lyrical description?"

'Why, of course I remember our first date -- I had filet mignon, potatoes au gratin, sauteed....'

"I forgot to take a pic of the tacos."

Before/After

"I'll have the spaghetti, does that come on toast?"

"I've combined a laxative and alphabet soup. I call it 'Letter Rip!'"

CAUTION: Creative genius at work

"Now, in contrast to the last olive oil you tasted, this one is infused with sixty-five more dollars."

"Nice try, Mom, but I'm going to go with a caterer."

Auto parts, Lite Puff Pastries, & Health Insurance Exchange.

"Is the garbage fresh?"

"Well, I'm the company sports champion! During the lunch break I ate more hamburgers than any other colleague!"

A convenient attack of swine flu...

"Everybody's doing quinoa—at least Kamut still has a nice grainier-than-thou quality."

Vegetables VS Junk Food.

"Well, there's your problem right there -- you need to sauté the onions in white wine before adding the ginger."

'Real hungry? Should be, 'Really hungry.' Adjectives take adverbs.'

Bedside Manna.

'Okay, you've got a mouthful of minerals, grapefruit, herbs and grass. Is it starting to taste like a sauvignon blanc?'

"Welcome to the Bermudez family Christmas party!"

"What are we doing for Cinco de Mayo this year?"

'Coffee and Converstion' vs. 'Beer & Bullshit'

Cutlery store: Big Sale! Everything slashed!

'Three, two, one. Stand clear.'

'This is quite common. You've eaten so many sausages that you've turned into one.'

The Cud Food Guide

"I have a strong personal commitment to dinner."

Cook spills food and has to open a can (tin).

"It's all down to turmeric!"

"That banquet was most delicious, and yet now, somehow, once again I feel the pang of hunger.'

'92 elements in the Universe and you always have to chuck the compound NaCl all over your dinner!'

Capturing a Cook

'I went home the other day and smelt a delicious meal cooking in the kitchen... then I realized I'd gone to the wrong house!'