Fancy Food Fan Pillows

"Is the garbage fresh?"

"The menu just says fried fish, but may I give you a more compelling, surprisingly lyrical description?"

Counting ribs

'Why, of course I remember our first date -- I had filet mignon, potatoes au gratin, sauteed....'

'It's the chef's special. His wife just had a baby.'

Self Service Restaurant: 'Where do you keep the eggs?'

'He's trying to put some magic into my recipes.'

'Now that's what I call a kebab... a skewer with whole pies!'

"I say it's Kale, and I say it's spinaches shitfaced uncle."

Important Food Groups

'He doesn't ask for a menu... he asks for an estimate!'

Benihana style of cooking.

"Fee-fi-fo-fum, I smell Thursday's gluten-free lasagna!"

Kitchen Kapers

'No, I'm not the sommelier; in fact, I don't even work here - I've just always wanted to try this wine.'

"I forgot to take a pic of the tacos."

"Two burgers, two fries, two martinis—and we'll have those to go."

Before/After

The Streets - Night

Would you be willing to sign something regarding the fat content of your burger? Like what? My colon.

"Spoiler alert! If you read the specials, you'll find out the Chef's Surprise!"

"How sweet, your hand is trembling."

Burnt or Raw?

'Yes, I am impressed at how fast you got here, but where's my pizza?'

CAUTION: Creative genius at work

'I made your favorite for dinner — pterodactyl nuggets!'

"Nice try, Mom, but I'm going to go with a caterer."

'You want to eat out tonight? -- What if we get addicted to good food?'

"We add an eighteen percent gratuity for parties of six or more."

"Regular service or affected?"

'How can he be depressed when all he eats are Happy Meals?'

OFA. Onion Farmer of the Year. I told myself I wasn't going to cry ….

"As you can guess, Rico is my role model."

"Can you reinvent the classic grilled cheese for me?"

The proper term for our special promotion is Triple Cheeseburger with a Gazillion fries...not the triple bypass special!