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The Cud Food Guide

"The menu just says fried fish, but may I give you a more compelling, surprisingly lyrical description?"

"It's how he would have wanted to go."

"I can't give you a prescription for milk and cookies."

Before/After

"From right to left, you have your tekkamaki, your futomaki, and then your yamaimo roll. The little pile of pink stuff is ginger, the green one's wasabi. And, of course, you already recognize your vodka martini."

"I'll have the spaghetti, does that come on toast?"

"I've combined a laxative and alphabet soup. I call it 'Letter Rip!'"

OFA. Onion Farmer of the Year. I told myself I wasn't going to cry ….

Auto parts, Lite Puff Pastries, & Health Insurance Exchange.

'When the doctor told you to warm up before exercising, I don't think he meant with hot chocolate and hot cross buns.'

'It's supposed to look and smell greasy.'

Tuna Salad, Meat Loaf, Cheese Omelet and Bean Soup

"Is the garbage fresh?"

"You know, it really wasn’t that bad."

"Everybody's doing quinoa—at least Kamut still has a nice grainier-than-thou quality."

'It's amazing what they can do with amino acids these days.'

"Welcome to the Bermudez family Christmas party!"

"What are we doing for Cinco de Mayo this year?"

'I wasn't going to eat him, but then he tripped right in front of me.'

Bedside Manna.

'Are we ready to order?'

"Dad, that's horrible! I'm not trying to roast them: I'm studying them for a school project. . ."

'If I had to kill to survive I'd become a vegetarian.'

'Pardon me, M'sieur -- Did you order 'grilled cheese' or 'chilled grease'?'

"There's our cure for the munchies! Gluten, we love your pizza!!" "You're our hero, gluten."

'Couldn't Jack Spratt eat polyunsaturated fat?'

Ahh, Chicken Soup

'You're fried!'

Party Animal, Party Vegetable, Party Mineral

Unsuccessful Christmas novelty items. Blitzen on a Kitten. Angel on a Bagel. Frosty on a coffee. Claus on your Bras.

'I think the microwave has finally given up the ghost.'

Try our AMAZING Soups!

Pelican with wheels on it's beak.

"The wrangler within wants pancakes."