Food Funny Bone Gifts

'Don't worry - it's made entirely from soya-based meat substitute.'

". . . Artificial flavoring, synthesized fruit, imitation chocolate bits, and the box is simulated cardboard."

'Take some of that home, Richard. Don't be a hero.'

Snowprov

A Club Sandwitch.

'How could you flunk stone shop?'

An early space launch attempt.

"So when my dad said I couldn't have a dog..."

"Dear, did something happen at the office?"

"Hurry, stop him!" (Dog running off with bone from man's x-ray).

"I'm the Class Clown fish."

'I did my research paper on Bart Simpson!'

'Is it okay to apologize for something I'm going to do?'

"She's losing a lot of cream cheese. We're going to have to cut her open."

Excess Baggage: Some folks believe that calories consumed during vacation do not count against your diet.

Cut out and keep your own Gardener!

'And then as the young rat turned around, he realized he was in the junior high, block one dissection class!'

"No. I wouldn't 'like to see the cheese menu'. And I don't appreciate the stereotyping!"

'Ha, ha! But seriously folks...'

"How do you prepare the chicken?"

"I just wish that, for once, when he asked me what I wanted, it wasn't followed by 'for Christmas?'"

'Well Alice. Now do you know what cull means?'

Movers and shakers.

"I can hear Jingle Bells!"

"Something that makes me look unfit for human consumption."

'Hand me that gizmo, will you please?'

Dog at a restaurant

'I'm afraid it's mad cow disease.'

'No, there isn't any shrimp in the 'Shrimp Surprise' -- It's just called that because it's not all that surprising.'

"Care to support the caterers courtesy campaign?" "Do you mind I'm trying to eat!"

"Enough helium makes laughing gas."

"If I'd wanted a Picasso I'd have gone to an art gallery, wouldn't I?"

Dave soon realised it was going to be a tough gig.

Birthdays were always better at Mom's.

"If at first you don't succeed, give up skydiving."