Food Escapist Gifts

"I haven't started playing the violin. I hide my vegetables in here!"

Businessmen trying to prop up a line-chart with sticks

'I couldn't stand the heat, so I got out of the kitchen.'

Woman dreaming about being on vacation.

'Sorry, but we're going out for dinner.'

"I'm just glad we got out before interest rates went up again."

"Mum! - T.S. Eliot - 'Humankind cannot bear much reality'."

'The vegetables sat in the crisper for hours...days...a whole week. Then suddenly, the drawer opened. A hand reached in, grabbed the kale, and all you could hear was the sound of...A Garbage disposal.'

Rising Gas Prices

"Could I have a bottle of the Chateau Lafitte '67 but filled with the wine from Tesco 2019."

"We'll have to eat out tonight - I misplaced the can opener."

SEMINAR CANCELLED: Feel free to doodle.

I'd like to order a power outage. Huh? My wife's on her phone all day, my son plays video games nonstop. My boss finds me by email wherever and whenever. My pager rings 'round the clock! Say again? I was text messaging. Pull the plug, man!

"Can I start you off with my disappearance?"

"IBM up 2 1/4, ATT down a 1/4,GM ... "

'The market headed south, so I decided to head there myself.'

"It's a weak pilot, but, if your stick with it, by Season 3 you grow completely numb to the show's quality and just keep hitting Next Episode."

"He went that-a-way." (snail escapes).

But doc, my tenuous grasp of reality is what gets me through the day!

"I quit worrying. I've gone 100% non-non and completely free-free."

'We have to move again -- I've worn out all the banks in town.'

'We're all out of money! Put on these false beards and wigs and make a run for it.'

Man opens front door to find he's up in clouds.

"Our bills are getting too high."

"I just want enough to get out of the country, and disappear forever."

Message in a bottle.

In Case of Emergency: Pizza

'Joyce, you've gotta see this! This 3-D large screen HD TV is amazing!'

'If you keep running away, son, you'll never make it through your formative years.'

"Anywhere that doesn't have TVs, computers, radios, ipods, cell phones, or video games."

Hiding From Social Media

American Idle

This is great, Ernie! Photoshopping pictures is a lot easier than dieting!

'Not Andy. He'd rather do anything than go on the family vacation.'

"And this brings to a conclusion, thank goodness, our broadcast day."