Kitchen Escapist Gifts

'The vegetables sat in the crisper for hours...days...a whole week. Then suddenly, the drawer opened. A hand reached in, grabbed the kale, and all you could hear was the sound of...A Garbage disposal.'

'Sounds way too complicated, let's phone for a take away.'

'I never wanted a dishwasher. I find the best place to get some peace from my teenagers is the kitchen when the sink is full of dirty dishes.'

"Oh look... You don't know how to wash dishes. I guess you don't ever have to wash them again."

'Sorry, but we're going out for dinner.'

'My motto is...'if you can't stand the heat, go out to dinner'.'

'You don't have to do the dishes today. . . it's your birthday. . . leave them for tomorrow.'

"Are you going to help with the washing up?"

'I couldn't stand the heat, so I got out of the kitchen.'

'We must be 50,000 calories away from home by now.'

Woman dreaming about being on vacation.

"I haven't started playing the violin. I hide my vegetables in here!"

"Bill's a little upset. The boss just chewed him out."

"What's the problem? We told you when you started you'd have to make some sacrifices."

Taking a little mental vacation can help as long as you don't go to mental.

Workaholic on holiday

I hate sitting in traffic jams. - 'Move it! I need to get work.' - 'I hate sitting at my desk.' -

Forms I cannot deal with / Forms I will not deal with

'And thanks be to the lord that we're going out to eat on Friday...'

"How do you feel about working a four-day week?"

"Lisa, bring out the Alistair Cheng files and an iced mochaccino, if you will, please."

Whiskers realized he'd grown tired of the rat race.

'Walter, stop fantasizing and get back to your desk.'

'Welcome aboard, Bob. Your job is to figure out what the hell happened here.'

'I'm playing 18 floors.'

Next, I recall looking down at myself and thinking, God, what a drama queen.

'Now, dear, I spent 35 years pretending to look busy. I can't just quit overnight!'

Clock watcher

Oil Spill: 'Oh dear! That was the last of our extra virgin.'

"Where do you see yourself getting drunk in five years?"

"Then I wake up, the cheering has stopped, I have three kids, and I work in a cubicle."

'Stop him, he's got the receipe.' Duck running away

'When I wake up, remind me to give you a few tips on how to make your presentations a little more dynamic.'

"Tell me about the sunshine, George."

'Running away from the circus to join the world of accountancy isn't working out as I expected. . .'