Home-cooking Escapist Gifts

'We'll have to eat out tonight - the meatloaf turned on me.'

'I couldn't stand the heat, so I got out of the kitchen.'

'We must be 50,000 calories away from home by now.'

Woman dreaming about being on vacation.

'Sorry, but we're going out for dinner.'

"I haven't started playing the violin. I hide my vegetables in here!"

'The vegetables sat in the crisper for hours...days...a whole week. Then suddenly, the drawer opened. A hand reached in, grabbed the kale, and all you could hear was the sound of...A Garbage disposal.'

'And thanks be to the lord that we're going out to eat on Friday...'

'How should I know how things are at home, I moved into the pub a month ago.'

Oil Spill: 'Oh dear! That was the last of our extra virgin.'

Attack Of The Guy From The Other Room

"We'll have to eat out tonight - I misplaced the can opener."

"This is highly confidential, so, yes, we built a little fort."

"He went that-a-way." (snail escapes).

'Surely you're not going to believe everything you see!'

Man opens front door to find he's up in clouds.

'My guess is, you might be running the jets too high...'

'Just how much time do you intend spending in this new tool shed of yours?'

Dog reaching over top of counter to steal cookies.

'If you keep running away, son, you'll never make it through your formative years.'

Message in a bottle.

"Give a man a fish and he eats for a day. Teach him how to fish and he can avoid work his whole life."

"Hon, I feel like riding out into big-sky country."

'Not Andy. He'd rather do anything than go on the family vacation.'

No man is an island ??" it just looks that way.

Yet another family that decided to drop everything and follow The Grateful Dead around for a while.

'Sounds way too complicated, let's phone for a take away.'

The prison-food was so bad, the inmates decided to smuggle in a cordon bleu chef!

'I never wanted a dishwasher. I find the best place to get some peace from my teenagers is the kitchen when the sink is full of dirty dishes.'

'A lovely area, but not enough waiters!'

Sometimes you wanna go where nobody knows your name

"I have no problem with reality. It's just the occasional intrusion of gritty realism that I hate."

"Fishing and doing nothing are not incompatible."

Virtual Reality Check

"We outsourced our joyless TV dinners to a delightful couple from next door."