Food Court Explorer T-Shirts

'You realize, the idea is to walk the entire mall, not just the food court.'

"And which regional cuisine would you be interested in this evening—Northwester, Southwestern, Southeastern, or Northeastern?"

'‘Because I said so' or ‘Just wait until you have kids of your own' section?'

6 Brothers Falafel

'We can order Lebanese, Thai, Italian, Indian, Greek or Chinese...'

"Compliments to the chef! Pass it on."

'No, I'm not the sommelier; in fact, I don't even work here - I've just always wanted to try this wine.'

Your lobster was off!

Nothing like traveling hundreds of miles to immerse yourself in art for the sole purpose of killing time between meals.

"From right to left, you have your tekkamaki, your futomaki, and then your yamaimo roll. The little pile of pink stuff is ginger, the green one's wasabi. And, of course, you already recognize your vodka martini."

'Is this still America?'

"I can't go much longer without your asking why I'm vegan."

'How was your holiday?' - 'Fantastic! Great weather! Great food! No illness!' - 'So, back to work tomorrow, then?' - 'Yeah, I guess so.' - 'Lousy, germ free holiday.'

"Everything is dandy--and our intestinal biomes are joyous."

"Hey, …. what's not to like?"

"The after-dinner mint is the boss's idea. I think it's superfluous."

"And exactly how is the peanut-butter-and-jelly prepared?"

"Being vegan or vegetarian isn't enough anymore. From now on I will only cook stuff I stepped in on the sidewalk."

"Can I tell you about a few items that aren't on the menu?"

"Perhaps you wouln't have declared so many places 'worth a detour' if you'd held the map right way up!"

"Who shaves the fennel in your family?"

Haute Chinese

'I'm filling in for the sommelier. We have a fine shiraz today for only $39. It's 14.7 alcohol, a Class 1B flammable, so if I see you consume it near an open flame, I'll have to cite you.'

Bottomless bowl of soup

'Michelin stars? I don't think we have any, but one of the tires on the catering truck might be.'

Ethnic food springing out of a menu.

"Young man, the world is your oyster, but for God�s sake avoid peanuts, soy, milk, eggs, wheat, fish, tree nuts, and chocolate."

'They are boneless, I didn't say anything about beaks.'

'I wanted somewhere like England, but in Spain.'

"If you find a shiny lure in your fish dinner, the chef would like it back. He needs to catch more fish for dinner."

'Heads it's mortgage payment, tails it's 1st growth Bordeaux.'

"Ooh, that looks delicious! Does it photograph well?"

"I can deal with the conceptual art and electronic music, but what are these hors d'oeuvres supposed to be."

"More croutons, sir?"

Pastrami in the wild