Food Court Adventurer T-Shirts

Let's go, young man. Off to the mall! We're off to the mall. I thought we'd hit the big box retailers, then the food court, and finish off with a bookstore. Wait. When you said we were going shopping, I thought you meant we'd surf the net, check Amazon, read product reviews … No, no, soft internet shopper. This is actual shopping at a physical mall, cut-throat old-lady style. Is that a pith helmet?

Come dine with me!

"I know you didn't order the snails, sir. They're complimentary with the salad."

6 Brothers Falafel

Try to guess the continent dining...

"You owe me five bucks."

'We can order Lebanese, Thai, Italian, Indian, Greek or Chinese...'

Frankenstein working at a hot dog stand.

'Now that's what I call a kebab... a skewer with whole pies!'

Before/After

"I've never heard of it, either, but nothing ventured, nothing gained, I always say!"

Grand Escargot at a Parisian Eatery.

'You're lucky there, Sir. That's the last one in the world.'

'It's my favorite.'

"Darling, wait until you taste the new year's menu I have ordered for us!"

Frank & Ernie's Diner. Today: Yogurt Surprise. We call it "yogurt surprise" because we couldn't read the expiration date on the carton.

"The pizza came late and it was cold!"

Newark by Night. A new Dutch restaurant just opened. What do you know about Dutch cuisine? Nothing. But I'm a big fan of the "Dutch Treat" concept.

Reserved space is reserved for a dinner table.

"I think the 'Exotic Recipe' diet will make me lose weight. I'm running all over town trying to find the ingredients!"

'Would you folks like sparkling water or tap water?'

Excess Baggage: You never have to worry about finding your way around those humongous new cruise ships. Your stomach will lead you.

Captain Hook's lesser known brother - Captain Spatula

Tzatzikicicle

"For the first half hour, I was, like, really there. Enchanted. But I found the wild-quail confit so disappointing that not even the fig reduction on the poached pear could get me back."

"We can hit any creperie you want, sonny boy."

"Put out the Asian sates, the Russian blinis, and the Mexican bean dips, while whip up something Korean."

"You're about to learn what New York hot dogs are made from."

"They know me here."

Pizza Tower Bridge

"Perhaps Monsieur would care for something more expensive?"

"We succumbed to your hype."

Ethnic food springing out of a menu.

"It's an extra $2.00 if you want a candle with a wick."

'As far as we know, no one who has eaten our genetically-modified food has turned into a creature or anything.'