Fitness Humorist Gifts

Part of the company's new fitness progress, I presume.

'How many calories do you burn by downloading apps?'

'Let's put it this way, part of you was offside!'

Early Treadmills,

'We'd just like to get in shape to open our medication bottles.'

'I'm afraid your lifestyle has caught up with my body.'

home fitness/fatness

'When the doctor told you to warm up before exercise. I don't thing he meant with hot chocolate and hot cross buns.'

Plan B

Why we always fail.

No motivation

"No. I mean it's great that horror movies get your heart beating faster, but that still doesn't count as aerobic exercise."

"Remember to keep hydrated, tell me when you want more Prosecco."

"Our mandatory fitness program has nothing to do with health. It generates electricity, which saves the company money."

"You know, chubs, circling your bed 3 times before nap time is not aerobic exercise."

Vampire can't catch his victim because he smokes.

"I stretch and do yoga every morning. I call it tying my shoes."

"You were right, we should've used a smaller medicine ball."

Larry didn't go anywhere without his Gut-O-Traveller.

The Quitbit

'That's what I call a workout! One hour of walking and 2 hours of running our mouths.'

'I don't yell at your father when he slams the refrigerator door because it's the only exercise he gets.'

'...How much did he pay you to sneak in here and take his fitness test?'

'I think I'm short sighted, I can't see my feet!'

It appears his GPS isn't working properly.

'Swimming back to the mainland to see some football game is stupid. Besides you're so out of shape, you wouldn't get 10 feet.'

You know, doc, I exercise every morning. I'm always running late!

"How flexible are you?"

"I've mainly been working on my nose."

"I am using my core strength."

'I'm just weighing out my daily allowance for my diet.'

"You won't gain weight drinking beer here. The bathroom is three flights up."

"Go on without me – I'll never make it."

'When the doctor told you to warm up before exercising, I don't think he meant with hot chocolate and hot cross buns.'

"Patience - we have to wait till the dial stops spinning."