First-time Pet Owner Gifts

'Too old to climb curtains, but young enough to climb on a lap. What's not to love.'

Bitchbark Canoe

It is important to give your dog opportunities to play with people.

"Pick me!"

'With 73 dog obedience books read between us, I think we must consider defeat.'

"Cat box"

"I think she's figured out what W-A-L-K means."

Nothing beats the love of a good cat.

"I didn't know she could body surf. Did you know she could body surf?"

"I wrote this next song about my cat. It's called 'Please stop rubbing your face against my computer screen when I'm trying to watch Narcos.'"

"Has anyone seen the dog?"

'She's just great with the children.'

"Why don't you come get me? Oh that's right, you aren't allowed on the couch!"

Girl wags her pony tail as dog wags his tail.

Updated Nursery Rhyme #27.

'He's the one who needs obedience training!'

"Man's best friends."

Cling-On Dog

Boy bringing home an octopus in a fish bowl.

"Bungle the flip! Bungle the flip!"

'They make remarkably clean pets.'

"Why don't you ever fetch anything good like a pizza?"

'What has twelve legs and barks?'

"I've tasted better myself, but you've got to admit the service is good."

The day the cat realized it was dependent.

"Maybe we should have just had a baby..."

No littering...

'Wow...Your work is amazing!'

A gardener sowing flower seeds - and a cat sowing bird seed.

"I've told you why I need a dog. Now suppose you tell me what makes you think you might be that dog."

Beware of the Dog Hair.

'Seriously. You have to get one of these.'

'Sure, it's our pool. . . but who's going to tell him that?'

'I think he thinks I'm a pillow.'

'This fish isn't tank broken - I want a refund!'