First Pet Ownership Gifts

'With 73 dog obedience books read between us, I think we must consider defeat.'

"Pick me!"

'Sparky, fetch me an impudent little chardonnay.'

'I know you're really proud, dear. But, don't you think people might think you're bragging?'

"Foster failure"

"Cat box"

'When he's happy he can cool the entire downstairs.'

"It get it – you're hungry."

'Yessir, Ben us fly fisherman answer to a higher calling.'

"Hold my calls, Kimberly. I'm with a ball of string."

Thanks to her cat-cam, Cheryl was able to keep her furniture from being shredded while she was at work.

"Has anyone seen the dog?"

"Why, you little Shih Tzu."

"I wrote this next song about my cat. It's called 'Please stop rubbing your face against my computer screen when I'm trying to watch Narcos.'"

'I know he doesn't like this house, but he'll just have to get used to it.'

'He's the one who needs obedience training!'

"Cross-breeding oops #1." "The Cougadooodle"

"When I first arrived, Young Master was always with me and Old Master didn't want anything to do with me, nor it's the opposite: Go figure..."

Boy bringing home an octopus in a fish bowl.

"I throw this ball, you go get it and bring it back — everything else will fall into place."

"In the whole length and breadth of this world there is no more admirable a spot for a man and his dog to pass the time than the local Home Depot."

'I really don't think mouth-to-mouth wroks on fish, Ben.'

"I'm curious about your dependent children, Scamp, Flop, and Spunky."

'He barks when he sees the boss coming.'

"Man's best friends."

"Bungle the flip! Bungle the flip!"

Cat and dog at a will reading.

"I'm not growling, it's my stomach rumbling!"

'That's not speaking, that's barking Try again'

'Shoot, this is nothing, you should have seen how good we had it back in ancient Egypt.'

Fish that snore, and the tragic lives of those who care.

'He does lack social skills.'

'Just taking the dog for a walk, Dear.'

"Oh, wow! Is that stunning or what?" "Mid-century classic. Should be in a museum. Let's pee on it." "Totally."

"Here's one: 'Youth Frisbee Camp', from 9 a.m. to 3 p.m. on Tuesdays." "Naw... Go back to that first one, for 'early chewers', wasn't that one a sleep-over camp?"