New Pet Parent Gifts

"That puppy I bought last week has got very attached to me."

"Lassie, go get help!" "Oh Timmy you idiot! Not again!"

"We found the poor thing stranded on the beach last summer and decided to adopt it."

Playing Fetch.

Polly txt speak

"See? I told you changing his food would be traumatizing."

"Fish needs a bigger bowl."

"Pick me!"

"Better bring me another cookie. The last one fell in the water."

'I'd say he's 10 percent 'pet' and 90 percent 'Lord and Master of All He Surveys'.'

"Why do they do that?"

'It's a deal, lets sniff bottoms!'

"My emotional support dog ate my comfort food."

"Cat box"

"I figure if I was still employed, I wouldn’t get to spend all this time with you!"

'When he's happy he can cool the entire downstairs.'

Dog chews 'The Cat Book'.

"They think we're their best friend. Just play along with it."

"Quick, start the car!"

Facts of life - The birds and the dogs.

Dog Walking Services

"It get it – you're hungry."

"I think therefore I am." "Bow Wow, Bow Wow, Bow Wow."

"You mustn't pull the cat's tail so hard it tugs the head inside, sweetie!"

"Hey Lady this is a sixty zone!"

Cat Nip.

"Okay, you both know the rules: no trash talk, no batting the other guy all over the house if he’s unconscious, watch the claws and nails..."

"He was a very good boy."

"You were right: I don't like water, but I do love snow!"

"I know it’s an issue, and we’re working on it in therapy."

A Copy Editor and His Dog

"Can I keep them? I found him on the internet?"

"Live in the sunshine, swim in the sea, drink in the wild air." — Ralph Waldo Emerson "Catch tennis balls in the mouth." — Me

"I wrote this next song about my cat. It's called 'Please stop rubbing your face against my computer screen when I'm trying to watch Narcos.'"

Raw food, after you leave for work.