Pet Parent Gifts

"It's always 'Sit,' 'Stay,' 'Heel'—never 'Think,' 'Innovate,' 'Be yourself.' "

"Yes, I'm talking to you. I believe you're the only Sparky in the house."

"Howard, I think the dog wants to go out."

"I always spend New Year's surrounded by loved ones."

Dogs have name tags on their rear ends.

"Surprise!"

A fire hydrant pees on a dog.

"We need to talk about your diet."

"He's a working dog, but I don't know what he does."

'You see, Doctor, we've never had any children...

"Toilet or tap?"

"I don't fetch. I have a trust fund."

'And then I just hit delete. I haven't actually eaten any homework in years.'

"Can I borrow those kittens for an hour? I want to freak out the people who had me spayed."

'I'm not supposed to lick myself either.'

"Thank you. You've been a great audience."

"I do like it here, but I'm ready for my own apartment."

Fire hydrant peeing on a dog

"Bad Dog"

"They were bred originally to be hors d'oeuvres."

"Kennel changes a dog, Muffin."

"Look, children are just pathetic substitutes for people who can't have pets."

"Daisy is my married name. It was also my maiden name."

"He's an old dog."

Pet and Animal Companion

"Pardon? Oh, sorry, I thought you were talking to someone else..."

'I can't believe she left everything to that stupid parakeet!'

'Does your bird talk?'

"Don't use our human's name, it's too obvious."

Bob would learn the hard way that dogs are color-blind.

"Operation Covid 19 worked! All our humans are now staying home with us!"

'I don't share my toilet water. I don't know where your mouth has been.'

Obedience school was tough. Especially the homework, which he would do and then eat.

Solicitor tells cats: 'It's unorthodox, I know, but old Mrs Featherstone has left her entire estate to her immediate family.'

'Whatever it is, I didn't do it.'