New Pet Parenthood Gifts

"Well, what was I supposed to do while you were amusing yourself on the internet?"

'I'll bet you taught him that!'

"Lassie, go get help!" "Oh Timmy you idiot! Not again!"

"We found the poor thing stranded on the beach last summer and decided to adopt it."

Playing Fetch.

Polly txt speak

"See? I told you changing his food would be traumatizing."

"Fish needs a bigger bowl."

"Better bring me another cookie. The last one fell in the water."

'I'd say he's 10 percent 'pet' and 90 percent 'Lord and Master of All He Surveys'.'

"Why do they do that?"

'It's a deal, lets sniff bottoms!'

"My emotional support dog ate my comfort food."

"I figure if I was still employed, I wouldn’t get to spend all this time with you!"

'When he's happy he can cool the entire downstairs.'

Facts of life - The birds and the dogs.

"They think we're their best friend. Just play along with it."

Dog Walking Services

Dog chews 'The Cat Book'.

"Quick, start the car!"

"I think therefore I am." "Bow Wow, Bow Wow, Bow Wow."

"You mustn't pull the cat's tail so hard it tugs the head inside, sweetie!"

"It get it – you're hungry."

"Can I keep them? I found him on the internet?"

A Copy Editor and His Dog

"I know it’s an issue, and we’re working on it in therapy."

Raw food, after you leave for work.

"Hey Lady this is a sixty zone!"

"Live in the sunshine, swim in the sea, drink in the wild air." — Ralph Waldo Emerson "Catch tennis balls in the mouth." — Me

"You were right: I don't like water, but I do love snow!"

Cat Nip.

"I wrote this next song about my cat. It's called 'Please stop rubbing your face against my computer screen when I'm trying to watch Narcos.'"

"He was a very good boy."

"Has anyone seen the dog?"

"Okay, you both know the rules: no trash talk, no batting the other guy all over the house if he’s unconscious, watch the claws and nails..."