First Time Medical Procedure Gifts

Colonoscopy.

'OK, the old one's in my right hand, the donor's in my left. Rght?'

'Well, well, well...'

"The first one's just a warning."

"If it were painful, could I do this?"

'I'm supposed to take a geography test and I can't find the right room!'

'I know the answer. I just need a moment to come to grips with it.'

'Does this get me a purple heart?'

Look on the bright side...they'll probably name a disease after you.

"The colonoscopy isn't your eternal punishment...the prep is."

'What do you mean, you've had a change of heart?'

Doctor to overweight patient: 'I assure you, stomach stapling is quite routine these days.'

"When I said hair transplant I meant more than one."

'His next appointment is on the 17th when the clock's little hand is on the two and the big one's on the nine.'

'I've had so many transplants, I feel like a garden nursery.'

'This little piggy went to the doctor's office and went 'ouch, ouch, ouch' all the way home. I just made that up.'

Emma is very happy that the doctor will finally remove the growth on Daddy's nose but she's also a little sad to see it go...

"Pay attention, 'switch it off switch it on again' does not apply to the life support machines."

'And that's the simplest way to surgically remove a 'mole' from the patient!'

'I'm going to check with my pastor to see what the Bible says about this operation.'

"I picked this one up in France while my wife had her hip replaced."

"Yes Dad! I can see the ground way way down below very clearly! It's not unrelated to my reluctance to try flying!"

'Heroic stoicism has its rewards.'

"Next time you want me to swallow a camera, just wrap it in bacon!"

'Mobile reception OK in there?'

"It's for his shakes."

"Recovery involves elements of faith. So let's pray my billing service, this hospital and your insurance provider all work smoothly together."

"Is this your first time seeing a specialist?"

Is there anyone here from 'customer care'? Could you tell them I'll ring back as soon as I've got my new kidney in!

'Nurse Wilhelm will be live-blogging the whole procedure.'

'This side's safety bar is broken. But hanging on with your cotton-candy coated fingers should hold you through the loop-de-loop.'

You're fine, but we'd like to run some tests on your insurance card.

A scared man who is about to have surgery performed by a robot.

'You're worried! What about me? I've never done this operation before!'

"... And you said this was you and your husband's first time shopping at Costco?"