First Time Medical Procedure Prints

Colonoscopy.

'OK, the old one's in my right hand, the donor's in my left. Rght?'

'Well, well, well...'

"The first one's just a warning."

"If it were painful, could I do this?"

'I'm supposed to take a geography test and I can't find the right room!'

'I know the answer. I just need a moment to come to grips with it.'

'Does this get me a purple heart?'

Look on the bright side...they'll probably name a disease after you.

"The colonoscopy isn't your eternal punishment...the prep is."

'What do you mean, you've had a change of heart?'

"We found a problem with your bill. It's too low. But I'm confident we can get it into the unaffordabe range soon."

Doctor to overweight patient: 'I assure you, stomach stapling is quite routine these days.'

'His next appointment is on the 17th when the clock's little hand is on the two and the big one's on the nine.'

"When I said hair transplant I meant more than one."

"Pay attention, 'switch it off switch it on again' does not apply to the life support machines."

'I've had so many transplants, I feel like a garden nursery.'

Emma is very happy that the doctor will finally remove the growth on Daddy's nose but she's also a little sad to see it go...

'This little piggy went to the doctor's office and went 'ouch, ouch, ouch' all the way home. I just made that up.'

'And that's the simplest way to surgically remove a 'mole' from the patient!'

'I'm going to check with my pastor to see what the Bible says about this operation.'

"I picked this one up in France while my wife had her hip replaced."

'Heroic stoicism has its rewards.'

"Next time you want me to swallow a camera, just wrap it in bacon!"

"Yes Dad! I can see the ground way way down below very clearly! It's not unrelated to my reluctance to try flying!"

'Mobile reception OK in there?'

"It's for his shakes."

'Nurse Wilhelm will be live-blogging the whole procedure.'

"Is this your first time seeing a specialist?"

Is there anyone here from 'customer care'? Could you tell them I'll ring back as soon as I've got my new kidney in!

'This side's safety bar is broken. But hanging on with your cotton-candy coated fingers should hold you through the loop-de-loop.'

"Recovery involves elements of faith. So let's pray my billing service, this hospital and your insurance provider all work smoothly together."

You're fine, but we'd like to run some tests on your insurance card.

'You're worried! What about me? I've never done this operation before!'

A scared man who is about to have surgery performed by a robot.