First Day Gifts

'Table 6 wants a glass of sangria, with chips--do you think that's enough?'

Kid at bus stop to kid: 'Needless to say, I cured my Mom of her home-schooling kick.'

"No Timmy, I don't think your pencil has system requirments or upgrades you can download from the internet."

My First Camera

"Welcome aboard, Bailey. Don't worry — they don't bite."

Computer Science Class 10101010101.

I'm Bored With Educational Toys

"So, what's gonna be your favorite class?"

'Well, Tommy, you've grown a foot since the last time I saw you!'

Today we learned to count to one.

"I know! I know! I K-n-o-w!. . . Um, what was the question?"

'Wow! That's some growth spurt!'

"I lost my taste for his homework when it came burned on a CD."

Hansel and Gretel Day School.

'A dog ate my homework.'

"The day at school? Oh, you know, the usual psychological and educational stew."

"You're never a superhero in your own backyard."

'I don't like the sound of the engine.'

'I'd like to challenge the test.'

'Is THIS the way you plan to spend your peak learning years?'

"I'm doing whatever I feel like doing, before I reach the age of accountability."

"It's a mobile."

"I'm Albert, your new mathematics teacher, but you can call me Al."

"My first night in the lab and I was clearly the smallest brain in the place."

"We thought this was more realistic."

"And this is my junior partner, my son, Ira."

"Today in school we learned how to glue!"

WELCOME TO KINDERGARTEN! "It was mostly okay, but there's way too much micromanagement!"

"It's going to be one of those days."

'You may feel lost and insignificant at first working for us.'

"I have a feeling this is gonna be one tough course."

"If you find authority intolerable, remember, you're in good company."

'All I wanted to know is if that word was naughty.'

SEX EDUCATION, 'It's a crazy idea, but it just might work.'

"The children took off their own coats this morning, Pastor."