First Day At Work Gifts

'I give the same advice to all new teachers. Pretend you know what you are doing.'

"This is our new time manager"

'You said you wanted to start off at the top, well, I agree. I'm having your desk moved up here as we speak.'

'Your first trial?'

"So how was your first day of teaching?"

Choosing What To Wear.

'Remember. . . they can smell fear.'

'You can always spot the new employees.'

"Well, I don't think much of your CV, but your paper clip is the smartest I've ever seen."

"This is my first day. I don't have any yet."

'You may feel lost and insignificant at first working for us.'

"I realise that you're trying to impress your new employers on your first day, dear. But, this is our car!"

"My first night in the lab and I was clearly the smallest brain in the place."

"Nice first day, but next time a customer asks for 'cash back,' make sure they've bought something."

"And this is my junior partner, my son, Ira."

"I'm Beatriz...but all my friends call me Betty."

"Starting at a new agency can be overwhelming. Let me show you around."

I'll have that first pair you showed me. Sorry, they were sold an hour ago!

"It's our standard contract. You agree to be a powerless and insignificant cog in our vast corporate machine and we agree to oil you occasionally."

"Welcome to the firm, you're just the kind of person we've been looking for."

"If you have any questions, you'll find a number of experts of this list who will be happy to ignore you."

"Good God, George! Just stick to a simple necktie knot and leave the Double Windsor for the clever men!"

"'Give Kevin a chance', they said. Well more fool me!"

So which rung are you on my corporate ladder?

After his first day at work, Joe Chang decided mining wasn't to be his chosen career.

"Welcome aboard, Bailey. Don't worry — they don't bite."

Harv works the red shift.

'I'm sure that once the 'new hire' stigma fades, they'll warm up a bit,,,'

Gas Station Attendant

'You must be one of the newest hires.'

Newly Qualified Teacher.

'I need to buy a briefcase. . . the legal system doesn't take you seriously when you work out of a 'Flintstones' lunch box.'

"Some of the older boys can be a bit rowdy, but I'm sure you have nothing to worry about, Mr. Smallcrotch."

New employee

"We need to hire more women."