Fire Hydrant Aficionado Gifts

'I don't know art, but I know what I like.'

"Wait a sec, I have a coupon around here somewhere."

'We just invented cooking yesterday, and already she's serving leftovers!'

Finally! A cure for the common cold!

Relaxing in front of a fire.

'Your father's a genius kids. First he discovered fire and now marshmallows.'

"OK then, I admit it. Installing the log burner was a bad idea!"

'Even down here we never lose our sense of humor!'

"If history has taught us anything, it's taught us that there have been a ridiculous number of books written about history."

Energy Conservation Be Damned. Fred constantly prepared for Global Warming and Nuclear Winter to happen at the same time.

"I'm addicted to water."

The man who discovered smoke

Smokey Bear crying because of deliberately started forest fires

"Hurry up and make a wish. Your cake's in there."

Two Cats 'I just love curling up without a good book.'

'I did give your brother a job - he's keeping an eye out for forest fires.'

Life Imitates Arf....

"It just doesn't crackle like the one on Netflix."

"My home insurance has dropped since I had it installed."

I tried insuring my house over the phone but they insisted on seeing it. It was on fire at the time...

'Look, fire is fire - Why try to develop theories about it?'

'I hear Oog gave up inventing.'

"The house needs to have comfortable window ledges. Lots of windows! And a fireplace!"

Please roll over and breathe the other way.

An snail shell with a chimney

The best apartment at The Maypole

"It's cut my heating bills right down."

'Let's get some sheep, and don't worry if the shepherd has fire: I'll take care of it...'

"I'm thinking that I may move hell to the west coast of the United States. There's more fire there."

Dragon fireplace

'I'm not putting it out. There's enough oak in this Chardonnay to keep this fire going all night.'

'Another one. Do you realize that will make the third time this month we've held a fire drill?'

'You'd better get something for that sneeze. We can't keep coming out like this.'

A pet dragon stokes the fire in a man's heater.

Hello, fire department and sundry municipal services. Help! Fire! It's the kitchen! Don't panic. Remain calm. Calm?! We've got a major grease fire. Hey, I can't be expected to do everything … What? Answer the phones, put out fires, clean the parks, garbage collection … What part of fire don't you understand?!