Fire Safety Fanatic Gifts

'Hey you! You work here, don't you? You people could be in real trouble with the fire marshal for not having any smoke detectors! I assume they make regular inspections around here?'

Happy birthday.

How to stop your inner child from playing with matches.

'I told you not to play with matches!'

"Hurry up and make a wish. Your cake's in there."

Hello, fire department and sundry municipal services. Help! Fire! It's the kitchen! Don't panic. Remain calm. Calm?! We've got a major grease fire. Hey, I can't be expected to do everything … What? Answer the phones, put out fires, clean the parks, garbage collection … What part of fire don't you understand?!

The fire's out. What a disaster. The kitchen's a mess! We'll be out of business for days. Where was the fire department? Decimated by budget cuts. You have to make an appointment to get them out here. For a fire?! Preferably between 2pm and 4pm on Monday or Thursday, when the department is staffed.

'Let's get some sheep, and don't worry if the shepherd has fire: I'll take care of it...'

Person in burning building wants plant watered by fireman

Man: 'NOW it works!!'

"Ultimately, I decided there was one way I could be sure about fire safety at home."

"And that's why we're not getting a fire breathing dragon."

"Do you have to do that here?!"

'I think the salmon is thoroughly smoked.'

With Thorssen, it's "Pillage and blunder".

"Smokey The Tree"

"Wait a sec, I have a coupon around here somewhere."

Woman escapes with cats.

'We just invented cooking yesterday, and already she's serving leftovers!'

The New Normal

'It's good to see that you have a smoke detector...'

Finally! A cure for the common cold!

"The third leading cause of forest fires."

Dr Ed Henderson demonstrates that it IS possible for someone to become too familiar with the safety rules.

"It would be great if you could turn the smoke machine down a little during worship..."

"Hang on, I know I came into the kitchen for something..."

A fire extinguisher box with band aids in them has a sign above with reads, "In case you cut yourself breaking glass break this glass."

'Your father's a genius kids. First he discovered fire and now marshmallows.'

Fire door.

'Even down here we never lose our sense of humor!'

"Let’s not speak of this, Tommy – scouts’ honor?"

The Cause of the Australian Bushfires

"You'll have to excuse my date. He spontaneously combusts from time to time."

"If it's nothing serious' why did you put on five pairs of gloves?"

'It was an exciting party, especially when the firemen came to put out the fire!'