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"Can you suggest a nice Bordeaux that will complement the squirrel-infused manure?"

In the red fine dining

'Excellent choice, monsieur, would you care to sniff the spigot?'

'Just because I'm a doctor without borders doesn't mean I venture into menus without prices.'

'We're indeed not the cheapest restaurant in town. Why do you ask, sir?'

"The wine has subtle hints of expensive pretension, but it's balanced nicely by the screw cap."

"The Garlic Escargot Velouté...would you like that in the traditional tureen, or supersize in a bucket?"

'‘Because I said so' or ‘Just wait until you have kids of your own' section?'

Careful, the plate's probably still hot.

"Compliments to the chef! Pass it on."

'No, I'm not the sommelier; in fact, I don't even work here - I've just always wanted to try this wine.'

"The after-dinner mint is the boss's idea. I think it's superfluous."

"Can I tell you about a few items that aren't on the menu?"

Haute Chinese

Pick Your Own Baby Lamb Chop

'Would you folks like sparkling water or tap water?'

Platter confusion.

Bottomless bowl of soup

'Michelin stars? I don't think we have any, but one of the tires on the catering truck might be.'

'How was the squid?'

"It's an extra $2.00 if you want a candle with a wick."

Who had the cod, and who had the flying fish?

'Heads it's mortgage payment, tails it's 1st growth Bordeaux.'

'Okay, so it's not a violin, but he is playing our song.'

"If you find a shiny lure in your fish dinner, the chef would like it back. He needs to catch more fish for dinner."

"A table in Siberia, please."

"Ooh, that looks delicious! Does it photograph well?"

"More croutons, sir?"

"Seat yourself. Grab a menu. Take any table. Hey, you know how to cook?"

"Ignore the screams, sir. I'll get a new fork."

'Who orderes the roasted chicken plate and who ordered the soup?'

"You were right-we should have just split one."

"I'm not all you can eat? But I brought my special plate!"

"Interested in some romantic punk rock during your dinner?"

"Yum! I should have ordered dessert, too—can I try yours?"