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"And which regional cuisine would you be interested in this evening—Northwester, Southwestern, Southeastern, or Northeastern?"

'‘Because I said so' or ‘Just wait until you have kids of your own' section?'

'We can order Lebanese, Thai, Italian, Indian, Greek or Chinese...'

"Compliments to the chef! Pass it on."

Your lobster was off!

'No, I'm not the sommelier; in fact, I don't even work here - I've just always wanted to try this wine.'

"The after-dinner mint is the boss's idea. I think it's superfluous."

'That's the corkage fee you wanted to ask about, Jack, not the cleavage fee!'

"Can I tell you about a few items that aren't on the menu?"

Platter confusion.

Pick Your Own Baby Lamb Chop

'I'm filling in for the sommelier. We have a fine shiraz today for only $39. It's 14.7 alcohol, a Class 1B flammable, so if I see you consume it near an open flame, I'll have to cite you.'

Haute Chinese

Bottomless bowl of soup

'Michelin stars? I don't think we have any, but one of the tires on the catering truck might be.'

Ethnic food springing out of a menu.

"It's an extra $2.00 if you want a candle with a wick."

"More croutons, sir?"

"Ooh, that looks delicious! Does it photograph well?"

"If you find a shiny lure in your fish dinner, the chef would like it back. He needs to catch more fish for dinner."

'I wanted somewhere like England, but in Spain.'

'Heads it's mortgage payment, tails it's 1st growth Bordeaux.'

"A table in Siberia, please."

"Seat yourself. Grab a menu. Take any table. Hey, you know how to cook?"

"Ignore the screams, sir. I'll get a new fork."

'Who orderes the roasted chicken plate and who ordered the soup?'

'listen - it's haute cuisine, coming up the river from New Orleans.'

"You were right-we should have just split one."

"Our French chef just quit, so instead of the crepes you ordered, I made a breakfast burrito."

"Have you had a chance to look at the menu?"

"Yum! I should have ordered dessert, too—can I try yours?"

"I'm not all you can eat? But I brought my special plate!"