Dining Guide Explorer Pillows

"We can only hope he's not the Times' new food man."

"And which regional cuisine would you be interested in this evening—Northwester, Southwestern, Southeastern, or Northeastern?"

'‘Because I said so' or ‘Just wait until you have kids of your own' section?'

Careful, the plate's probably still hot.

'We can order Lebanese, Thai, Italian, Indian, Greek or Chinese...'

"Compliments to the chef! Pass it on."

'No, I'm not the sommelier; in fact, I don't even work here - I've just always wanted to try this wine.'

Your lobster was off!

"The after-dinner mint is the boss's idea. I think it's superfluous."

'That's the corkage fee you wanted to ask about, Jack, not the cleavage fee!'

"Can I tell you about a few items that aren't on the menu?"

'Would you folks like sparkling water or tap water?'

Pick Your Own Baby Lamb Chop

Haute Chinese

'I'm filling in for the sommelier. We have a fine shiraz today for only $39. It's 14.7 alcohol, a Class 1B flammable, so if I see you consume it near an open flame, I'll have to cite you.'

Platter confusion.

Bottomless bowl of soup

'Michelin stars? I don't think we have any, but one of the tires on the catering truck might be.'

Ethnic food springing out of a menu.

"It's an extra $2.00 if you want a candle with a wick."

"A table in Siberia, please."

'I wanted somewhere like England, but in Spain.'

"If you find a shiny lure in your fish dinner, the chef would like it back. He needs to catch more fish for dinner."

"More croutons, sir?"

'Heads it's mortgage payment, tails it's 1st growth Bordeaux.'

"Ooh, that looks delicious! Does it photograph well?"

Who had the cod, and who had the flying fish?

"Seat yourself. Grab a menu. Take any table. Hey, you know how to cook?"

"Ignore the screams, sir. I'll get a new fork."

"You were right-we should have just split one."

'listen - it's haute cuisine, coming up the river from New Orleans.'

'Who orderes the roasted chicken plate and who ordered the soup?'

"Our French chef just quit, so instead of the crepes you ordered, I made a breakfast burrito."

"Yum! I should have ordered dessert, too—can I try yours?"

"Have you had a chance to look at the menu?"