Dining Experience Explorer T-Shirts

The wine and water lists.

"Great food here, but the service is slow!"

"Well, finally!!"

At the NRA lounge.

Diners see restaurant signs; Grade A meals and Meals Without Comments.

'Please remember, it's the ambience you're paying for here.'

"Hang on hon. A table with a more expensive tab needs me."

"Guys, guys! He's pointing at me! This is great, I've never been picked first before!"

"And which regional cuisine would you be interested in this evening—Northwester, Southwestern, Southeastern, or Northeastern?"

'‘Because I said so' or ‘Just wait until you have kids of your own' section?'

'We can order Lebanese, Thai, Italian, Indian, Greek or Chinese...'

"Compliments to the chef! Pass it on."

"Is the MSG local?"

'No, I'm not the sommelier; in fact, I don't even work here - I've just always wanted to try this wine.'

Your lobster was off!

"The after-dinner mint is the boss's idea. I think it's superfluous."

"Can I tell you about a few items that aren't on the menu?"

'I'm filling in for the sommelier. We have a fine shiraz today for only $39. It's 14.7 alcohol, a Class 1B flammable, so if I see you consume it near an open flame, I'll have to cite you.'

Haute Chinese

Platter confusion.

"May I offer you a side of life insurance?"

Bottomless bowl of soup

Ethnic food springing out of a menu.

'Michelin stars? I don't think we have any, but one of the tires on the catering truck might be.'

'Heads it's mortgage payment, tails it's 1st growth Bordeaux.'

"Ooh, that looks delicious! Does it photograph well?"

'I wanted somewhere like England, but in Spain.'

"If you find a shiny lure in your fish dinner, the chef would like it back. He needs to catch more fish for dinner."

Vegetarian Restaurant: Choose Your Own Cabbage

"You're close, but you're not the record. The record for one family in one booth—all from out of state, each ordering a complete breakfast—was set in 1978, with fifteen."

"More croutons, sir?"

"Seat yourself. Grab a menu. Take any table. Hey, you know how to cook?"

'listen - it's haute cuisine, coming up the river from New Orleans.'

'Who orderes the roasted chicken plate and who ordered the soup?'

"Our French chef just quit, so instead of the crepes you ordered, I made a breakfast burrito."