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"Interested in some romantic punk rock during your dinner?"

'‘Because I said so' or ‘Just wait until you have kids of your own' section?'

Careful, the plate's probably still hot.

"Compliments to the chef! Pass it on."

'No, I'm not the sommelier; in fact, I don't even work here - I've just always wanted to try this wine.'

"The after-dinner mint is the boss's idea. I think it's superfluous."

"Can I tell you about a few items that aren't on the menu?"

Haute Chinese

Pick Your Own Baby Lamb Chop

Platter confusion.

Bottomless bowl of soup

'Michelin stars? I don't think we have any, but one of the tires on the catering truck might be.'

"More croutons, sir?"

'Heads it's mortgage payment, tails it's 1st growth Bordeaux.'

"If you find a shiny lure in your fish dinner, the chef would like it back. He needs to catch more fish for dinner."

"Ooh, that looks delicious! Does it photograph well?"

"Seat yourself. Grab a menu. Take any table. Hey, you know how to cook?"

'Who orderes the roasted chicken plate and who ordered the soup?'

"You were right-we should have just split one."

"Yum! I should have ordered dessert, too—can I try yours?"

"Have you had a chance to look at the menu?"

'I like a table next to the action.'

"In addition to the menu, we have a few specials on the board."

Hollywood cafe: celebrity in the house!

Did you slice this beef? You nearly missed.

"Guys, guys! He's pointing at me! This is great, I've never been picked first before!"

'No tables are available at this time. Would you be interested in take-out?'

'...and, after the chef's surprise, we have the cashier's surprise.'

"Don't order the calamari."

I'll pretend I know anything about our wines, if you'll nod and pretend you have a clue about what I'm talking about.

Waiter to diner: 'I'm going to return you to the main menu.'

"Are you enjoying your escargot?"

"The Garlic Escargot Velouté...would you like that in the traditional tureen, or supersize in a bucket?"

"This is delicious. I'm glad I didn't try to order in Italian"

"And your tofu, would you like food with that?"