Eating Out Explorer T-Shirts

'How is this a 'sports restaurant'?'

'‘Because I said so' or ‘Just wait until you have kids of your own' section?'

6 Brothers Falafel

Careful, the plate's probably still hot.

"Compliments to the chef! Pass it on."

'No, I'm not the sommelier; in fact, I don't even work here - I've just always wanted to try this wine.'

"The after-dinner mint is the boss's idea. I think it's superfluous."

"Can I tell you about a few items that aren't on the menu?"

'I'm filling in for the sommelier. We have a fine shiraz today for only $39. It's 14.7 alcohol, a Class 1B flammable, so if I see you consume it near an open flame, I'll have to cite you.'

Platter confusion.

Seafood: "Of course our food is fresh."

Haute Chinese

Bottomless bowl of soup

'Michelin stars? I don't think we have any, but one of the tires on the catering truck might be.'

"If you find a shiny lure in your fish dinner, the chef would like it back. He needs to catch more fish for dinner."

"More croutons, sir?"

'They are boneless, I didn't say anything about beaks.'

'Heads it's mortgage payment, tails it's 1st growth Bordeaux.'

"Ooh, that looks delicious! Does it photograph well?"

"Seat yourself. Grab a menu. Take any table. Hey, you know how to cook?"

"You were right-we should have just split one."

'Who orderes the roasted chicken plate and who ordered the soup?'

"Interested in some romantic punk rock during your dinner?"

Table for two. Whom does sir think he's kidding? You're right table for one. Menu.

Hot dogs. Sushi.

Hot Rinzelophtats

"Yum! I should have ordered dessert, too—can I try yours?"

"Have you had a chance to look at the menu?"

'I like a table next to the action.'

"Are you enjoying your escargot?"

"That's $3.50 for the dog plus 75 cents toxic cooking water disposal surcharge."

I'll pretend I know anything about our wines, if you'll nod and pretend you have a clue about what I'm talking about.

Pizza London Eye

'...and, after the chef's surprise, we have the cashier's surprise.'

"Guys, guys! He's pointing at me! This is great, I've never been picked first before!"