Financial Pun Collector Pillows

'A representative from Merrill Lynch to see you.'

'The good news is it's not mad cow disease. You've got bad dow disease.'

"I'd love to help but at the moment I'm saddled with this enormous mortgage."

Fist Bumper Cars

Pete would never forget the time he saw his very first nasal hare.

"Now that's how to declare a dividend!"

This man is an island.

"There are two ways we can go here - bark or bite."

The Contrarian funds

'Smith, where exactly did you get your experience in 'Hedge Fund Management'?'

Escaping Black Hole - '..But captain that's the pensions black hole there is no escape!'

"Yes, the market did advance this week, Rebecca, but we feel it's somewhat of a 'dead-cat bounce.'"

'Just this once, but I want a piece of the action.'

'There's a bear on line one and a bull on line two. Who do you want me to put through first?'

Bell Hop

A good executive is known by the company he keeps solvent.

Racketeer

Spiv

"Butt cracker"

Calls of the Wild: Moose Call, Coyote Call and Margin Call.

'There's been no confirmation, but the possible merger of two giants has sent stock prices soaring.'

Doctor to man with baseball player and footbal player on feet: 'You have a bad case of athlete's foot.'

"Although the collection plate appears to be half full, our accountant assures me that it is half empty."

"I feel a lot of societal pressure to be happy."

'Your investments aren't under performing, they're just appreciation challenged.'

'This is what I call the ultimate in money laundering.'

'Let's not overreact. We're just in solvent, not bankrupt.'

"I'm sorry but here we have a strict policy about hiring anyone who's squirmish about investing"

'I'm rather rich actually, maybe it's because I always laugh all the way to the bank...'

'Activist investors are here to see you and they're wearing boxing gloves.'

Mensa Applicants - Please Form an Orderly IQ.

'Our shares are so low, they're all ended up in the Isles of Wight.'

"I'd like to file a defamation suit. 'Bear markets' is a derogatory term."