Financial Pun Enthusiast Pillows

'Our new savings account isn't very popular. There's been no interest in it.'

'Just this once, but I want a piece of the action.'

"Although the collection plate appears to be half full, our accountant assures me that it is half empty."

'Put your money in a blind trust.'

"Have you heard the term, 'dead cat bounce'?"

Hole in the wall.

I suggest shares in the music industry. Is that a sound investment?

'Let's not overreact. We're just in solvent, not bankrupt.'

"We're bringin' him in. Wiseguy here claims he didn't know a flight to safety for his stock portfolio requires a boarding pass."

It's a Valentine from the Bank: Your account's in the red, Your mortgage is overdue, DO something about it, Or we'll foreclose on you.

British savings accounts

"I keep feeling we should float the company"

"Oh, stop it. You are not at all obtuse." Complimentary angles make the other angles feel good about themselves.

America's Funniest Interest Rate Hikes

'A representative from Merrill Lynch to see you.'

'We will not kick the can down the road... Does anyone know how to use a can opener?'

"You have to declare what you rob from the rich, but you can deduct what you give to the poor."

"Our Big Hairy Audacious Goal is balding."

'Henderson makes money the old fashioned way - White collar crime.'

"Now that's how to declare a dividend!"

'Now let's proceed downstairs and see where our stock shares presently sits,'

'What do you mean, the chart resembles an iceberg?'

"Class, this is David. He's our new financial exchange student."

Out of control

"At least we're consistent ... "

'Our fund lost millions, but the good news is our management fees are not based on performance.'

'Smith, where exactly did you get your experience in 'Hedge Fund Management'?'

The Decline of the Euro.

Bank notes coming out of a safe.

'I am on a diet! It's called the Wall Street diet. I invested in British Airways, and the first day I lost 500 pounds.'

Escaping Black Hole - '..But captain that's the pensions black hole there is no escape!'

"Yes, the market did advance this week, Rebecca, but we feel it's somewhat of a 'dead-cat bounce.'"

'There's a bear on line one and a bull on line two. Who do you want me to put through first?'

'Due to current market conditions, I'm recommending that my clients invest heavily into pain medication companies.'

Ireland and its Celtic Tiger request some donations