Financial Pun Lovers Pillows

'We can't go on meeting like this. I'm losing too much interest.'

'The check is in the email attachment.'

"I keep feeling we should float the company"

'A representative from Merrill Lynch to see you.'

'We will not kick the can down the road... Does anyone know how to use a can opener?'

'The bank says they're freezing my assets! I don't understand: They've always been frozen...'

Our Motto: Buy Low Sell High is the Best Revenge.'

"Our Big Hairy Audacious Goal is balding."

'Henderson makes money the old fashioned way - White collar crime.'

I like you and I like your company!

"Now that's how to declare a dividend!"

"Class, this is David. He's our new financial exchange student."

"I've got an MBA. Massive Business Anxiety."

"Is that your answer to everything? 'Chase the dot?'"

'A temporary solution would be to white out this part of the chart.'

'Eureka! I found the gene that causes people to sell low and buy high!'

To the grim reaper: 'You may go in now.'

'I am on a diet! It's called the Wall Street diet. I invested in British Airways, and the first day I lost 500 pounds.'

'Oh that's weird! i just had a shiver go down my wallet. My wife must have just bought something.'

'Smith, where exactly did you get your experience in 'Hedge Fund Management'?'

In case of falling markets break glass.

Mergers or acquisitions.

"Yes, the market did advance this week, Rebecca, but we feel it's somewhat of a 'dead-cat bounce.'"

Escaping Black Hole - '..But captain that's the pensions black hole there is no escape!'

'Just this once, but I want a piece of the action.'

'There's a bear on line one and a bull on line two. Who do you want me to put through first?'

'We've reached the thirty percent cut in operating expenses you wanted and we're the only two left in the building.'

'Yea, I give away the fire. I make my money on insurance.'

Federal Guidelines

'I consider myself to be a sophisticated investor. I would never invest in penny stocks. I lost all of my money investing with a brokerage specializing in nickel stocks.'

'We don't care if it's a boy or a girl, as long as it's a tax deduction.'

A good executive is known by the company he keeps solvent.

"At least we no longer have the pressure of handling so much money."

'Greece is up for auction on eBay - and there's no bidders.'

'I know you're new to upper management, Hoskins, but here we don't catnap...we power nap.'