Finance Pun Lover Pillows

'The buck should start with Henderson, but we're afraid he'd embezzle it.'

'A representative from Merrill Lynch to see you.'

"Now that's how to declare a dividend!"

'Our tabby was pre-approved for a credit card!'

'Smith, where exactly did you get your experience in 'Hedge Fund Management'?'

"The interest rate can't go any lower, so if necessary, we'll have to go back to pounds of flesh."

'I am on a diet! It's called the Wall Street diet. I invested in British Airways, and the first day I lost 500 pounds.'

"Cook the books al dente so the auditor will have a little something to crunch."

"Yes, the market did advance this week, Rebecca, but we feel it's somewhat of a 'dead-cat bounce.'"

Escaping Black Hole - '..But captain that's the pensions black hole there is no escape!'

'Just this once, but I want a piece of the action.'

'There's a bear on line one and a bull on line two. Who do you want me to put through first?'

'My new investment counselor keeps referring to my stock portfolio as 'a financial aneurism waiting to happen'.'

'It's a retrospective of Bernanke's most obtuse economic jargon...'

"It's part of a deal I worked out with the I.R.S."

A good executive is known by the company he keeps solvent.

"Let us pray for the possessed...and the re-possessed"

'Last night Warren Buffett came to me in a dream and whispered in my ear, but it was just sexual.'

'It's a bill collector!'

"I asked my investment advisor for something that was low cost, easy to manage, and also functions on its own. He suggested an index fund or a robo vac."

'Can I help? You bet your bottom dollar I can.'

'Do we have any stocks rated 'cute'?'

"I'd love to help but at the moment I'm saddled with this enormous mortgage."

Calls of the Wild: Moose Call, Coyote Call and Margin Call.

"Although the collection plate appears to be half full, our accountant assures me that it is half empty."

'Great cash flow, Phil.'

American's Funniest Tax Decuctions

'Your investments aren't under performing, they're just appreciation challenged.'

"I'm sorry but here we have a strict policy about hiring anyone who's squirmish about investing"

'This is what I call the ultimate in money laundering.'

'Let's not overreact. We're just in solvent, not bankrupt.'

They lean more of how the universe began, but can't tell me where the market will end.

'I'm rather rich actually, maybe it's because I always laugh all the way to the bank...'

A great investment today is the one you didn't make.

'I sure thought we were done for when we flat-lined like that.'