Finance Pun Junkie Pillows

'Isn't that our bank manager?'

'A representative from Merrill Lynch to see you.'

...I wonder who started the rumour of your resignation?

"Now that's how to declare a dividend!"

The Contrarian funds

'Our tabby was pre-approved for a credit card!'

'Smith, where exactly did you get your experience in 'Hedge Fund Management'?'

"Yes, the market did advance this week, Rebecca, but we feel it's somewhat of a 'dead-cat bounce.'"

Escaping Black Hole - '..But captain that's the pensions black hole there is no escape!'

'Just this once, but I want a piece of the action.'

'There's a bear on line one and a bull on line two. Who do you want me to put through first?'

A few Halloween costume ideas.

A good executive is known by the company he keeps solvent.

Phobia Clinic: Now treating Dow 15,000 acrophobia.

'Can I help? You bet your bottom dollar I can.'

"I'd love to help but at the moment I'm saddled with this enormous mortgage."

'Sorry, we just filled our Financial Analyst position, but we do have an opening in Sacrificial Lambs.'

Calls of the Wild: Moose Call, Coyote Call and Margin Call.

'There's been no confirmation, but the possible merger of two giants has sent stock prices soaring.'

"Although the collection plate appears to be half full, our accountant assures me that it is half empty."

'Your investments aren't under performing, they're just appreciation challenged.'

Piggy bank queuing at the bank.

'I'm rather rich actually, maybe it's because I always laugh all the way to the bank...'

'Let's not overreact. We're just in solvent, not bankrupt.'

"Yes, I AM the CEO of the bank that received the BAIL OUT MONEY, why do you ask?"

"I'm sorry but here we have a strict policy about hiring anyone who's squirmish about investing"

'This is what I call the ultimate in money laundering.'

'Activist investors are here to see you and they're wearing boxing gloves.'

'It's called 'Creative Accounting'.'

'Buy... sell... buy... sell... buy...'

"I drive to work every day. Those are business trips, aren't they?"

"Your broker has 'comped' your meals."

"Well, I changed the signs. Now you can enter your office. Thanks for waiting, sir."