Financial Irony Pillows

"I have trouble sleeping worrying about the alternative minimum tax."

"Every night the same gets legless, swearin 'n' fightin' then slumps into a stupor. . ."

"Originally I wanted to be a stockbroker but found I fainted at the sight of money.''

'...But the good news is your old Enron stock has become a high-priced collectible!'

"Well - that's enough from me, I shall now introduce our Head of Pensions..."

"Willis has kindly agreed to sum up our current financial position."

"It's a bill."

'You don't know how lucky you are. My mortgage is worth more than my house.'

"Regarding earnings guidance, as my mother used to say: 'If you can't say something nice, don't say anything'. I'll be shutting up now."

'Who's the wise guy?'

"Well, that's not a good market indicator."

'Willowby, you have great leadership potential. That's why I'm getting rid of you now.'

"It would appear that our 'rainy day investment fund' hasn't even yielded enough to buy us an umbrella each."

'Rumors...'

"He's all the stimulus I need."

'We can't increase taxes on the rich - the rich are the ones who made America what it is today - and you only hope...someday...'

'The house has been repossessed by the Devil ...'

An office collection for an employee penniless from too many office collections

First Church of Fiscal Morality: The Meek Shall Inherit The National Debt!

'Would it be possible to fire last year's 40,000 employees a second time?'

Bernie Madoff finally behind bars: Hey boys! Anyone interested in sound financial advice?

Dear Sir, You have been charged £35 for under-use of your bank account. . .

"If I gave you a raise, it would put you in a higher tax bracket and you would have less take home pay."

Thrifty Credit Union

'Is it okay to put my credit card payment on my credit card?'

'What about if we give our major stockholders samples of our antidepressants?'

'On one hand, I'm ashamed to sell nothing but cheap crap. On the other hand, I'm glad I make a lot of money doing it, so I don't have to buy cheap crap...'

'According to your resume, you've accomplished very little and left no paper trail. Very impressive.'

"Every time I say this computer is supposed to be 'user friendly', it lets out an evil laugh."

'And if any of you are unhappy with your bonus, just log on to our website and press 'Click to Enlarge.''

'I wish you had the fortitude that the government has. Being in debt doesn't stop THEM from spending!'

Origami animals are being driven into a confetti factory slaughter house.

"I tried kicking the economic crisis down the road, and it kicked me back!"

'You really should see a therapist about your pathological possessiveness, Mr. Pomeroy.'

'Open wide... wider... wider still...'