Financial Irony Observer Pillows

"Every night the same gets legless, swearin 'n' fightin' then slumps into a stupor. . ."

Sen. Krupt. I don't tell constituents that we're fueling inflation. I say we're protecting consumers and thanks to us they won't have to worry about buying any cheap stuff.

"VP J.D. Vance called Donald: 'cynical asshole,' a 'moral disaster,' a 'total fraud,' an 'idiot,' and suggested he might be 'America’s Hitler.'"

'I'm surprised you like being your own boss. I am your boss and I hate it.'

"Originally I wanted to be a stockbroker but found I fainted at the sight of money.''

'...But the good news is your old Enron stock has become a high-priced collectible!'

"Well - that's enough from me, I shall now introduce our Head of Pensions..."

"Willis has kindly agreed to sum up our current financial position."

'You don't know how lucky you are. My mortgage is worth more than my house.'

'I wouldn't worry about going before your time. You're too old to die young.'

"It's a bill."

"Regarding earnings guidance, as my mother used to say: 'If you can't say something nice, don't say anything'. I'll be shutting up now."

'Sorry, I don't do financial advice.'

"Don't touch that Jake! It's bad for you!"

"Well, that's not a good market indicator."

"It would appear that our 'rainy day investment fund' hasn't even yielded enough to buy us an umbrella each."

'Who's the wise guy?'

'Rumors...'

"He's all the stimulus I need."

'We can't increase taxes on the rich - the rich are the ones who made America what it is today - and you only hope...someday...'

"With all due respect, I prefer the term 'con artisan'."

An office collection for an employee penniless from too many office collections

"Nature has a twisted sense of humor."

First Church of Fiscal Morality: The Meek Shall Inherit The National Debt!

'Would it be possible to fire last year's 40,000 employees a second time?'

'This is pretty good to prevent your money from slipping through your fingers!'

'What about if we give our major stockholders samples of our antidepressants?'

'Is it okay to put my credit card payment on my credit card?'

"I'd lay off the booze, mate."

Thrifty Credit Union

TUC Conference: 'I've invited in someone from the private sector to help drive up our performance in fighting the private sector.'

The nice thing about soccer is that there are no commercials.

"You're going to put me on hold? OK, I'm not going anywhere."

'I wish you had the fortitude that the government has. Being in debt doesn't stop THEM from spending!'

'You really should see a therapist about your pathological possessiveness, Mr. Pomeroy.'