Financial Irony Enthusiast Pillows

"Regarding earnings guidance, as my mother used to say: 'If you can't say something nice, don't say anything'. I'll be shutting up now."

"It's a bill."

Bank. Have you noticed? We trust them with our money but they chain the pen to the counter.

'...And then, all the investment newsletter I was subscribing to went bankrupt!'

'Here, have this. You might need it. Think of it as your new Barclay card.'

British savings accounts

Sen. Krupt. I don't tell constituents that we're fueling inflation. I say we're protecting consumers and thanks to us they won't have to worry about buying any cheap stuff.

America's Funniest Interest Rate Hikes

"You have to declare what you rob from the rich, but you can deduct what you give to the poor."

"Every night the same gets legless, swearin 'n' fightin' then slumps into a stupor. . ."

'Now let's proceed downstairs and see where our stock shares presently sits,'

"At least we're consistent ... "

'What do you mean, the chart resembles an iceberg?'

Out of control

'Our fund lost millions, but the good news is our management fees are not based on performance.'

"Originally I wanted to be a stockbroker but found I fainted at the sight of money.''

I think I can explain what happened to your investment, with the use of this simple chart.

'I today's market news, Greed roared back.'

Bank notes coming out of a safe.

The Decline of the Euro.

'...But the good news is your old Enron stock has become a high-priced collectible!'

'Due to current market conditions, I'm recommending that my clients invest heavily into pain medication companies.'

Ireland and its Celtic Tiger request some donations

'We stopped to smell the darn roses here!'

"I see you have the latest in accounting software."

"I'm afraid with your income I couldn't possibly approve a loan of that size. Would you like a list of our approved loan sharks?"

Budget Cuts

"How much do I need? How much you got?"

Inflation is a national headache. . . caused by asset indigestion!

'The market dropped on the news some IRS refund checks said 'do not cash until next Friday'.'

"We can't all work for Goldman Sachs."

'You won't feel a thing. We make a small incision in your wallet and...'

"Well - that's enough from me, I shall now introduce our Head of Pensions..."

A man notices the Chase logo has turned into snakes eating themselves."

'I have an expense account, but it's a joke.'