Financial Irony Appreciator Pillows

'Rumors...'

"Every night the same gets legless, swearin 'n' fightin' then slumps into a stupor. . ."

"Originally I wanted to be a stockbroker but found I fainted at the sight of money.''

Big business is not evil

'...But the good news is your old Enron stock has become a high-priced collectible!'

'Even if we did skin you last year, you may not deduct your dermatologist bill this year.'

"Willis has kindly agreed to sum up our current financial position."

'You don't know how lucky you are. My mortgage is worth more than my house.'

"It's a bill."

"Regarding earnings guidance, as my mother used to say: 'If you can't say something nice, don't say anything'. I'll be shutting up now."

'Sorry, I don't do financial advice.'

Starving Artist Show has paintings of food.

"And this is where we add the natural goodness."

"Well, that's not a good market indicator."

"It would appear that our 'rainy day investment fund' hasn't even yielded enough to buy us an umbrella each."

'Who's the wise guy?'

"We had to lay off most of the staff to pay for the consultants."

Demonic Repossession

"We've cut away all the fat now we have to look at staffing costs!"

"He's all the stimulus I need."

'We can't increase taxes on the rich - the rich are the ones who made America what it is today - and you only hope...someday...'

Antiques, Furniture Stripping, Stripping.

Voice-activated computer cannot distinguish between buy and sell.

'A credit card company has told us not to bother to apply. We're pre-disapproved.'

'Would it be possible to fire last year's 40,000 employees a second time?'

An office collection for an employee penniless from too many office collections

First Church of Fiscal Morality: The Meek Shall Inherit The National Debt!

'This is pretty good to prevent your money from slipping through your fingers!'

'What about if we give our major stockholders samples of our antidepressants?'

Thrifty Credit Union

'Is it okay to put my credit card payment on my credit card?'

"Ingrid, inform the staff that in a gesture of solidarity, I wont be raising my salary this year. . . I will however, be reducing theirs."

Golf courses on the rough side of town.

'Larry, have you seen the prospectus of our new 'chaos fund'? It should do well in the event of a global financial collapse.'

'And if any of you are unhappy with your bonus, just log on to our website and press 'Click to Enlarge.''