Business Irony Appreciator Pillows

"We had to lay off most of the staff to pay for the consultants."

"We've cut away all the fat now we have to look at staffing costs!"

'I knew if we waited long enough, heaven would downsize.'

'If two wrongs don't make a right...try three.'

"I don't mind out of control spending as long as it's on stuff I like."

"This new policy of resisting change is certainly innovative."

"You have a grossly exagerrated view of your own importance. You'll make an excellent department head."

"Let's face it, if we were getting any customers they'd have been here by now."

The Continuing Adventures of Mel Hufnagel, Corporate Head-Hunter...

'Sorry, I don't do financial advice.'

"I appreciate how you've protected my privacy, Doc. I'm gonna tell everybody about it on my medical rating website!"

"And this is where we add the natural goodness."

"Management think staff need to use their initiative more, and they forwarded a 65 page memo on how they want you to do it."

'Willowby, you have great leadership potential. That's why I'm getting rid of you now.'

'Rumors...'

"That efficiency expert you hired said I should get rid of you."

"Make yourself comfortable, Donaldson."

"Oh, ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha, sir."

'Rick, could you take a seat somewhere else, please? For me to be seen with you is damaging to business!'

'We plan to introduce bodychecking and fistfights to the game.'

'A credit card company has told us not to bother to apply. We're pre-disapproved.'

Three doors labelled 'CEO', 'CFO', and 'Eee Yi Eee Yi Oh'.

'This is pretty good to prevent your money from slipping through your fingers!'

'On one hand, I'm ashamed to sell nothing but cheap crap. On the other hand, I'm glad I make a lot of money doing it, so I don't have to buy cheap crap...'

'According to your resume, you've accomplished very little and left no paper trail. Very impressive.'

An unequal opportunity employer.

I think I've solved our downsizing problem!

"Ingrid, inform the staff that in a gesture of solidarity, I wont be raising my salary this year. . . I will however, be reducing theirs."

'Someone accidentally deleted the data you've been inputting. Looks like I'll have to hire you temps full time.'

'*@#$! I just said "high quality" again.'

"Normally, having a song stuck in your head isn't considered a disability."

'At least, the customers still remember our company, our products and me...'

"Before we start can I just confirm that everyone is going to agree with me."