Executive Irony Appreciator Pillows

"Make yourself comfortable, Donaldson."

Please sit down. I can give you five minutes.

Water company bonus.

You can fool some of the people all of the time - "Send in some of the people, Dorothy."

'Not exactly what I meant by job creation.'

'If two wrongs don't make a right...try three.'

'Enter His Royal Globalness...'

"You're an overweight, overpaid, over-the-hill senior executive, Dalrymple. What did you have in mind to remedy that situation?"

"I don't mind out of control spending as long as it's on stuff I like."

"This new policy of resisting change is certainly innovative."

"We're making progress."

"You have a grossly exagerrated view of your own importance. You'll make an excellent department head."

I Have A Closed Mind.

"Management think staff need to use their initiative more, and they forwarded a 65 page memo on how they want you to do it."

"And this is where we add the natural goodness."

"We had to lay off most of the staff to pay for the consultants."

'Surround our project with lots of useless extras so our critics have something to pick at while we ram our proposals through.'

"I'm sorry about your divorce, but you can't nest in the storeroom."

"That efficiency expert you hired said I should get rid of you."

"A fellow human being to see Mr. Driscoll."

"We've cut away all the fat now we have to look at staffing costs!"

"Gentlemen, when I consider the mess we've made of this company, I can only commend our foresight in not investing any of our own money in it."

"They say you can't cheat an honest man. I say 'Bull'!"

'I thought you were ousted as CEO.' 'I was. But with my golden parachute I bought the company. I'm Baaack!'

'Apparently Genwetronix merged with BioSolutions, and neither chairman wanted to leave.'

C.E.O. wearing t-shirt emblazoned with 'I love obscene salaries'.

I think I've solved our downsizing problem!

An unequal opportunity employer.

'Someone accidentally deleted the data you've been inputting. Looks like I'll have to hire you temps full time.'

'We are here to pay our last respects to a beloved CEO and the two vice presidents he decided to take with him.'

'*@#$! I just said "high quality" again.'

"These are of all my affiliates."

"I need you to take over while I'm on the road to fuller, thicker hair."