Financial Irony Lovers Pillows

'Open wide... wider... wider still...'

"Every night the same gets legless, swearin 'n' fightin' then slumps into a stupor. . ."

"Originally I wanted to be a stockbroker but found I fainted at the sight of money.''

'I blame Iceland - it's PAYBACK!'

'...But the good news is your old Enron stock has become a high-priced collectible!'

'I consider myself to be a sophisticated investor. I would never invest in penny stocks. I lost all of my money investing with a brokerage specializing in nickel stocks.'

"Can money buy happiness? Certainly not the amount I'm paying you."

"The scammers managed to clear out your entire pension fund."

'Oh my God!! The economy's in ruins! There's no money!'

'Your investments in sub prime mortgages have become collectors items now! Aren't you excited?'

"Well - that's enough from me, I shall now introduce our Head of Pensions..."

Cufflinks + Handcuffs = Embezzlement

Bank of England Suspends Gold Payments Following Run on the Banks

"Willis has kindly agreed to sum up our current financial position."

Life plan

"It's a bill."

'You don't know how lucky you are. My mortgage is worth more than my house.'

The Continuing Adventures of Mel Hufnagel, Corporate Head-Hunter...

"Regarding earnings guidance, as my mother used to say: 'If you can't say something nice, don't say anything'. I'll be shutting up now."

'Sorry, I don't do financial advice.'

The bonus is performance based. You lost lots, which resulted in big bailout. Way to go.

'Sorry, Rumplestiltskin, but I'm replacing you with Alan Greenspan.'

Got anything for the small investor?

'Willowby, you have great leadership potential. That's why I'm getting rid of you now.'

'Who's the wise guy?'

"It would appear that our 'rainy day investment fund' hasn't even yielded enough to buy us an umbrella each."

"Well, that's not a good market indicator."

Mother Hubbard 2011

'He prefers smoking cash to injecting it.'

The cost of bringing up children soars to more than £140,000.

'Rumors...'

'And they lived happily ever after - well beyond their means.'

Foreclosure

'We can't increase taxes on the rich - the rich are the ones who made America what it is today - and you only hope...someday...'

Actually, I'm not really a guru...