Financial Irony Lovers Gifts

'Open wide... wider... wider still...'

Sen. Krupt. I don't tell constituents that we're fueling inflation. I say we're protecting consumers and thanks to us they won't have to worry about buying any cheap stuff.

"Every night the same gets legless, swearin 'n' fightin' then slumps into a stupor. . ."

"Originally I wanted to be a stockbroker but found I fainted at the sight of money.''

'I blame Iceland - it's PAYBACK!'

'...But the good news is your old Enron stock has become a high-priced collectible!'

'I consider myself to be a sophisticated investor. I would never invest in penny stocks. I lost all of my money investing with a brokerage specializing in nickel stocks.'

"The scammers managed to clear out your entire pension fund."

'Oh my God!! The economy's in ruins! There's no money!'

'Your investments in sub prime mortgages have become collectors items now! Aren't you excited?'

"Can money buy happiness? Certainly not the amount I'm paying you."

"Well - that's enough from me, I shall now introduce our Head of Pensions..."

Cufflinks + Handcuffs = Embezzlement

Bank of England Suspends Gold Payments Following Run on the Banks

"Willis has kindly agreed to sum up our current financial position."

The Continuing Adventures of Mel Hufnagel, Corporate Head-Hunter...

Life plan

"It's a bill."

'You don't know how lucky you are. My mortgage is worth more than my house.'

"Regarding earnings guidance, as my mother used to say: 'If you can't say something nice, don't say anything'. I'll be shutting up now."

'Sorry, I don't do financial advice.'

The bonus is performance based. You lost lots, which resulted in big bailout. Way to go.

'He prefers smoking cash to injecting it.'

'Willowby, you have great leadership potential. That's why I'm getting rid of you now.'

The cost of bringing up children soars to more than £140,000.

"It would appear that our 'rainy day investment fund' hasn't even yielded enough to buy us an umbrella each."

Got anything for the small investor?

'Sorry, Rumplestiltskin, but I'm replacing you with Alan Greenspan.'

Mother Hubbard 2011

"Well, that's not a good market indicator."

'Who's the wise guy?'

'Rumors...'

Actually, I'm not really a guru...

'And they lived happily ever after - well beyond their means.'

Foreclosure