Financial Fumbler Gifts

"I accidentally logged into Turtle Tax instead of Turbo Tax a month ago and I'm still trying to get our W-2 information entered."

"Your broker called. You're broke."

Just in: Condolence cards for the small investor.

"Relax! It's NOT a heart attack! The owner's manual says to expect intense panic during the unpacking stage, as you wonder how in the world you're going to pay for yet another totally impulsive purchase. It should pass in a day or so!"

"I'm curious about your dependent children, Scamp, Flop, and Spunky."

'You're close, Spencer, but usually a business plan is a little more involved!'

'Recent studies in primate colonies suggest that organizational performance can be improved by replacing complicated financial incentives with bananas.'

'Well, maybe upteen zillion was too general a cost estimate.'

"Your repayments start now!"

'It's the bank again... What I'd give for a bit of good old-fashioned heavy breathing!'

'I love it when you say - 'I'm going to print money'.'

'Our tabby was pre-approved for a credit card!'

Wall Street Money Never Sleeps. They've obviously never seen my investment portfolio.

'Man, I've bought heaps on my credit card this month...It always amazes me...How many things I'd rather have than money.'

Man on a unicycle trying to guard credit from nasty 'Bankruptcy'.

10 Days Without an Interest Rate Change

'Reminds me of how I balance your pay packet each week!'

"This place has a water view if you're looking at the mortgage."

'Can Mr. Sloan call you back? He's taking time to stop and smell the profits.'

"Goodbye cruel world."

'The salary isn't much, but the expense account to entertain the boss, ohh-la-la!'

'Don't panic, folks! It's red ink, not blood!

"Times are perfect for us masochists!..."

Dog Beginning For A Loan

"Beats me how I managed before getting a financial support animal."

Ten business commandments, city trading floor

'That's much better.'

'Serves you right, just tearing open the charge card bill and reading it like that!!'

"By now, you've probably noticed that around here, money talks and you-know-what walks!"

"I hate it when he makes snow angels in his bonus."

Man goes from instant cash machine to instant spending.

'And will you take this man to the cleaners....'

"Never mind what's in the box. That'll be discussed at the end of the month."

Investments: Still Open to New Investors - 'A fool & his money fund.'

"He put the 'fun' in funding."