Financial Juggler Gifts

"My doctor told me to avoid any unecessary stress, so I didn't open his bill."

'I've fully costed my wedding plans, Daddy.'

'Good news. Your blood pressure has dropped after my collection agency stopped sending you threatening messages.'

"My mistake was buying shares in the company. I now worry about the lousy work I turn out."

'The good news is, your body didn't reject the organ transplant. The bad news is, the bank rejected your check.'

'From January to May I work for the government to pay for my income tax and from May to October to pay for my malpractice insurance.'

'I'm paying the hidden fees with hidden payments.'

"Since time is an issue, I didn't have time to organize my receipts."

'Before I give you your bill, Mr Fraser, can I ask you to step onto the crash-mat.'

'We're pretty sure we've got all the right figures, we're just not sure what order to put them in!'

"It hurts when I do this Doctor"

"It equals out. I pay alimony to Laurie and Denise, and I get alimony from Brenda and Suzanne."

"I thought all the bills we were going to ignore were coming electronically."

'I've been through your tax return and for the minute there's nothing to worry about.'

"I don't see why all the sudden fuss. For us the mortgage crisis is a monthly event."

'Termites devour my house, the kids devour the hair off my head and taxes devour all my profits... I'm at the bottom of the food chain'!

'I helped write the new tax code and even I don't understand it.'

'I have a recurring dream in which my debtors meet my creditors and decide to cut out the middle man!'

Pay and display - have you paid?

Bills for Payment this Month.

Sorting out Bills.

'I spent $1,500 on ski equipment, and now not only have I no balance on the slopes, I have no balance in the bank.'

Leaving Loan Department - "Your first mistake was calling Mr Lenhurst a Bloodsucker."

'Denied?...but it's my last one.'

"That feeling when you're suddenly hit with a large bill."

'I can't decide whether to pay my rent this month or go to the basketball game.'

In spite of persistent economic doldrums certain residents of Ft. Lauderdale continued the weekend Wet T Bill Contest.

"My accountant wants me to reduce my overhead and my doctor wants me to reduce my overbelt."

worrying letters

Warning! Gas Prices Are Dangerous For Your Blood Pressure!

"Remember, when you go to the bank, ask to increase our credit card limit, not raise our debt ceiling."

'May I leave early today, Sir? The market is down and my wife is alone...'

"So, let me get this straight... You want to pawn your pawn ticket?"

"Sheesh! With these expenses it would be cheaper just to bury you and get a new husband!"

"Put your fears to rest. We won't be reducing any personnel, just salaries."