Portfolio Juggler Gifts

'Good day in the market?'

When it comes to investing, Dave has got to learn to lighten up.

'No. The last time I tried to get my money to work for me it ran off and left me.'

'Now this is a fabulous strategy that has worked flawlessly every year, except for those when it failed miserably.'

As your money advisor, I advise you to make more money.

"What am I doing? Oh, web design, mostly... A little freelance illustration when I can find it."

Stock Broker. The market is going through what we like to call "Mad Dow Disease".

'I have just the thing for the small investor.'

'Those? Oh, they're nothing serious, they're just rumor trembles.'

'I've fallen and I can't get up.'

'Every time I break one of my investment rules, I put $10 in the mistake jar. As of today, it's worth more than my portfolio.'

My bullish strategy was given a bum steer.

Stock Market.

"The good news is you’re the only one we’re not firing ... the bad news is you’re the only one to run the department."

"Yes Sir, I'm still working on the 'ins and outs' of their proposal."

Areas of the Body Where Stress Can Manifest

"Well the good news is that after the reorganisation you'll be leading the team."

"I'm curious about your dependent children, Scamp, Flop, and Spunky."

"We've decided your suggestion to have a day care center here at work has merit."

'The golden eggs are great... but I need you to lay a golden parachute.'

"Well, I've emailed, faxed, and phoned Dobson. Maybe I should just walk down the hall and talk to him..."

There now, that wasn't too difficult was it!

"And I'm sure no one will mind if we fold a few clothes while we talk."

'Just to let you know the cause of your pain and my advice is Quite Watching Stock Prices Go Up And Down.'

"We are extremely short-staffed here and you would need to be okay with that. For example I’m the janitor, but I also do interviews in between emptying trash cans."

Call Your Office

'It may well be nesting J.T but damn it, you've got a company to turn.'

"I'm afraid that following the audit, Mr. Davis is no longer with us... On the bright side, the corner office is now available!"

'It's the bank again... What I'd give for a bit of good old-fashioned heavy breathing!'

Very fat 'Office' facing more waiters with trays of demand

"They pay well but they expect a lot from you."

"When you reach the bottom of the pile, you'll find this week's paycheck."

'We're looking for people who like to take work home.'

'Man, I've bought heaps on my credit card this month...It always amazes me...How many things I'd rather have than money.'

"With great power comes great, great stress."