Financial Funster Gifts

'Well, yes, I give the toys away for free, but I make it up in volume.'

'You're close, Spencer, but usually a business plan is a little more involved!'

Ten business commandments, city trading floor

OK, we do the annual report as a graphic novel, but only if I don't have to read it.'

'That's much better.'

"It looks like your private pension isn't going to yield as much as we originally anticipated...I'm afraid you'll have to go on collecting nuts for years."

'Your honor, my client is willing to agree to a divorce provided she can continue living with his money.'

Loan Department. Please grovel in.

Reasons to avoid training No 234 - "I was on my way to the gym but then I heard that the DOW JONES had fallen 2.5%."

"You can't address share holders looking like that! Have you had a good look at this year's results...?"

"It's relatively simple. We only want what's ours, plus 30% of what you think is yours"

'I must warn you; reading your bill may cause heart palpitations,cold sweat,stomach cramps,nausea...'

'This is Howard, our former investment advisor. He went along with a career change suggested by his clients.'

Begging ATM.

10 Days Without an Interest Rate Change

'This is a market correction.'

'Evasion is such an ugly term - we prefer to call it lunch bill 'planning'.'

'I love it when you say - 'I'm going to print money'.'

"No, this isn't an audit. It just feels like one."

'After the divorce, she got custody of my money!!!'

'Recent studies in primate colonies suggest that organizational performance can be improved by replacing complicated financial incentives with bananas.'

"Medical science hasn't come up with a pill specifically for 'stock market jitters."

"If your payment is in the post, please ignore this threat."

IRS, 'Sorry, but you can't count them as dependents before they hatch.'

'We don't do 'double ro quits' here Mr Simkins.'

'Christmas is considered to be a time of joy! Especially for the Credit Card companies!'

"No need to rush down - it's only the gas bill."

'The slide is kinda' like the stock market - you go up, then you go down. Sometimes you fall off and get hurt.'

"The whole fun of accounting was that willingness to suspend disbelief."

Venetian Glass Co. Our stockholders are demanding a full accounting. They want transparency from us?!

"This place has a water view if you're looking at the mortgage."

'I wonder if I can declare you as dependents on my income taxes?'

"He put the 'fun' in funding."

'Don't panic, folks! It's red ink, not blood!

I got caught cheating in my tax return.