Banking Funster Gifts

This ATM is temporarily out of service....Would you like to play a video game?

"Another week another dollar, Jenkins"

British savings accounts

'You're close, Spencer, but usually a business plan is a little more involved!'

'Recent studies in primate colonies suggest that organizational performance can be improved by replacing complicated financial incentives with bananas.'

"The new revenue stream is finally kicking in."

"I didn't say my dog ate my homework. I said Russian bots ate my homework."

What happens when the bears are running the market.

'In order to fund your deferred compensation, we won't be paying you any salary.'

'Don't worry about a few pounds up or down. Our main concern is always your bottom line.'

Cafe investors: I'd like your support in acquiring the lemonade stand down the street. By cutting redundant labor, marketing and technology. I place our annual savings at $17 billion. The phone company investors bought it. Can monkey lick your head?

'And finally, a steady decline in earnings has forced us to trim the presentations budget.'

'It takes great courage of conviction to know you're wrong, yet still proceed forward.'

'Oh, wait. There's a note. It says; Fill her up with euros.'

'I love it when you say - 'I'm going to print money'.'

Wall Street Money Never Sleeps. They've obviously never seen my investment portfolio.

'Well, Eddy may look a bit rough, but he's good at heart - last week, he bought stocks from a company which produces cuddly puppy toys in pink ballet dresses!'

"Dad, the dean has gone over your financial statement, and he doesn't think you're working up to your full potential."

'Looks like your recovery has been slowed by a diet rich in Greece, followed by a bout of gas problems. Continue to take your QE and call me next quarter.'

10 Days Without an Interest Rate Change

'Stocks fell on the news that whatever can go wrong, usually does go wrong.'

'Reminds me of how I balance your pay packet each week!'

Uncle Sam is Big Brother.

Guess your net worth, only 25 cents.

"Times are perfect for us masochists!..."

"This place has a water view if you're looking at the mortgage."

'Don't panic, folks! It's red ink, not blood!

"Goodbye cruel world."

'The increased child tax credit is supposed to stimulate the economy...so how about a raise in my allowance?'

Ten business commandments, city trading floor

"The water for your fishbowl was approved, but it looks like for now you're not getting the fish."

'That's much better.'

'The Nobel prize for medicine was awarded to Dr. Quentin R. Owlsey, who developed an anesthetic that leaves patients capable of writing checks.'

People often have us confused with investment bankers. We loot and plunder, leaving a mess wherever we go, and when there are complaints we claim endangered species status.

'As you can see, we've been recapitalized.'