Banking Baffler Gifts

Forgot My Mother's Maiden Name.

"Welcome to the bank - you'll start at the bottom."

Squirrel putting nuts in a safe box.

'The bank says they're freezing my assets! I don't understand: They've always been frozen...'

"Nice work on that German contract. You've made your mark, Ashworth."

Bank cashier sits near sign: 'Please do not ask for credit, as refusal often offends'.

'...and this time Gerald, don't refer to the RBS as the Ripoff Bonus Scheme!'

"I don't like the look of this."

"We do have faith but I'm afraid our policy is still not to accept Bitcoin."

"Don't worry! He's totally changed..."

Spanish bank needs propping up.

'I love it when you talk big bucks, Mr. Williams.'

"I said freeze, punk, I didn't mean literally!"

'Bob was eventually arrested and charged with outsider trading.'

'Our fund lost millions, but the good news is our management fees are not based on performance.'

'Credit being what it is, I'm sure you won't mind if we see your 200,000 cattle first...'

Big Loan, Little Deposit Bank

"Squawk! Interest rates are going negative!"

World-Wide Bank: Economic crisis lands in the in-tray.

Offshore tax havens.

'Wouldn't it be easier if the banks simply merged with the Inland Revenue?'

"...And for anyone who forgot to bring something for the collection..."

Deposits insured by the U.S. Government (which has a $4.2 trillion debt).

Freddie Mac and Fannie May takeover

'Sheesh... I wish the government would handle the finance reform a bit more discreetly...'

"I'm afraid with your income I couldn't possibly approve a loan of that size. Would you like a list of our approved loan sharks?"

"Good morning - I'm from your bank. We'd like our house back please!"

"How much do I need? How much you got?"

'So glad we ticked the no publicity box.'

loan

'As long as the gov't has a printing press, all deposits federally insured.'

Save! O% interest on your deposits.

"Yes, we've refused your loan application."

'A loan, certainly, how much would you like?'

"We've got an application from a bank asking if we'd like to sponsor a branch."