Banking Giggles Gifts

"Before we discuss your loan, Mr Carlson, perhaps you'd like to spend a few moments with out bank chaplain."

'I'd like to apply for a job as a predatory lender.'

"There's a $2.00 service fee for that friendly greeting."

'I suppose a loan to send them to summer camp could be called a home improvement loan.'

'There's a five dollar discrepancy in my bank balance. Would you mind if I counted the money?'

Harvest Data Festival

"Sorry, but we're only accepting deposits at this time."

"I'd like a job filled with adventure where there'd be a good chance of claiming compensation."

Full Service ATM: "Do you want fries with that?"

"The Bank has returned the rent cheque marked 'Insufficient funds', but it doesn't say whether that's them or us!"

Cashier for Decoration Purposes Only

"If a higher interest rate is a sign of a stronger economy, you must think I'm golden."

"The Good Lord is an excellent reference, but without a phone number..."

'I'm afraid you'll have to get this hold-up note initialled at our withdrawals counter.'

"And do you have any other form of security against a loan other than this 'Good times are coming' horoscope?"

'What's your not-quite-so prime rate?'

"Once upon a time there was a kind old bank that did not charge its customers a fee."

'Well £60 million is LESS than I'm used to...but now that we've agreed my bonus, what working capital will the Bank have?'

I'm thinking of taking the next step and becoming a snail...what mortgages have you got to offer?

"Collateral? How about I teach you what ties to avoid?"

'Do I need a pin number to make a withdrawal?'

'Well, you're the psychic. Why don't you tell me if I'm going to give you any money?'

Forgot My Mother's Maiden Name.

'Hi man, I'd like to open a joint account...'

Pied Piper luring money from the bank.

'You mean like a bailout?'

'Too late. The government beat you to it.'

"He wants to rent a safe deposit box for the winter."

'Now you've signed all your assets over to the bank, I'm happy to lend you your bus fare home.'

"Our checks bounced again."

'Unfortunately Mr Jones, we're unable to approve your loan application... I'm afraid you're over-drawn!'

'I'm making a comeback!'

"Yes, we do make car loans, but you CAN'T borrow my car."